


Love, Reality

by Undefined20Something



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Bottom Cas, Bottom Dean, Coming Out, Coming of Age, Developing Relationship, Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, High School, Inspired by Simon Vs The Homo Sapiens Agenda, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, M/M, Not a Crossover, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Top Cas, Top Dean, email relationship, eventual homophobic slurs, no forced coming out at school
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-22
Updated: 2018-04-16
Packaged: 2019-04-06 08:30:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 34,721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14052996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Undefined20Something/pseuds/Undefined20Something
Summary: Am I alone? I risk retribution in this conservative state, but to deny who I truly am has me stuck on an emotional rollercoaster of up and down with no end. I may not be able to say the words out loud yet, but I’ll be damned if I graduate high school without saying it at least once – I am gay.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello All. This story idea hit me like a ton of bricks and I couldn't help myself. Its complete inspired by reading Simon Vs and seeing Love, Simon within days of each other. I started writing and haven't been able to stop so its mostly complete already. I hope you enjoy!

**_To:_ ** _ AngelofThorsday _

**_From:_ ** _ RamblinMan67 _

**_Subject:_ ** _ Not Alone _

_ Hello… uh… Angel, _

_ Look….I never do this. I don’t even know why I am sending this email other than to tell you that, dude, you are not alone. Kansas has damn near always been a fucking red state and Lawrence is a shithole, but you are not the only queer kid at this school. I’m bi. I’ve never said that to anyone, probably never will. Never acted on it either, probably never will, especially if I stay in this state. But just know that I hear ya. _

_ -Ramblin _

_ P.S. Thorsday? _

 

Cas laid his phone down in shock. He didn’t expect that when he posted his deepest darkest secret on his school’s Tumblr, out of a fit of rage at his mother’s ever-present sermon of “the destruction of our youth because of the gays”, that he would actually get any kind of accepting response. Sure, he expected the hate, the bullying, and the name calling – he had already got that in abundance. But he never expected the kind, yet somewhat impersonal, response that he had received from “Ramblin”.

He wasn’t stupid. He had figured that the odds were in his favor that he wasn’t the only gay kid at his school. But so far, he was the only one that had been willing to say anything, even though he did it somewhat anonymously. There was nothing that could make him come out before he left for college. He only had 6 months until graduation and then he was out of here.

There was a rustle and crash against his bedroom door as his older brother Gabriel stumbled through. “Cassie, Cassie, Cassie……did you see?” Cas just rolled his eyes and tried to ignore his brother. He was home from college for Christmas break, and honestly, Cas couldn’t wait for him to go back. His parents could go back to ignoring him and then it would be silent and quiet here once again.

“What, Gabe?”

“Some gay kid just came out on the ‘I’m not Lying, Lions’ Tumblr.” There was laughter in Gabe’s words, and his stomach sank at the thought of what his brother might say if he knew it was him that posted it.

“Jeez Gabe, you’re in college now, what are you doing still reading the high school’s gossip page?”

Cas had to quickly scoot over on his bed as Gabe flopped down next to him, tablet raised high above his head as he continued to laugh. “Am I alone?” Gabe crooned in a sing-song voice. “I risk retribution in this conservative state, but to deny who I truly am has me stuck on an emotional rollercoaster of up and down with no end.” Gabe’s voice continued to get higher as he continued to read. “I may not be able to say the words out loud yet, but I’ll be damned if I graduate high school without saying it at least once – I am gay.” Cas buried his face in his hands as Gabe laughed at the last words. He was absolutely positive in this moment that he would never say those words face to face to Gabe. Not after this. Oh god, he just realized his chosen email name would be damning if Gabriel figured it out. Please let him overlook that part, he would definitely figure it out if he paid any attention to it. 

“Gabe,” his voice was muffled by his hands, “get out. I don’t care what gossip is going around the school or what terribly crude things you might have to say about it.”

“Oh please Cas,” Gabe grumbled as he got up. “Like this kid is the only one. My friend Bal at college is fluid as hell. Some weeks he has a guy on one arm, some weeks a girl, some weeks it’s both. I don’t care, and this kid shouldn’t either….” His voice trailed off as he walked out of the room, shutting the door rather hard behind him. 

Cas was left with so many questions he didn’t know where to start. What he did know was this; everyone would know by now which meant school was going to be interesting when they resumed on Monday. Gabe was confusing as hell and Cas didn’t know what to make of his laughing and weird show of support. And now Cas was going to enter his high school constantly looking over his shoulder wondering who Ramblin was. 


	2. Chapter 2

“Cas….Cas….Are you even listening to me?” Cas swung his head around to focus on the group in front of him. It was his SAT prep group that met every day after school in the library. It was meant to be for juniors and seniors only, but somewhere along the way of the years, it was opened to all grades and slowly changed from a SAT prep group, to a homework and AP group, to just friends. Regardless of what the group originally started as, all Cas knew was that these five people were his only friends.

“Yeah Sam?” Sam was the newest member. He was just a freshman, but he stood taller than everyone else in the group and he was freaking smart. Some days he made Cas feel like a complete idiot.

“Could you help me with Mr. Morrow’s essay on The Grapes of Wrath…that is…if you are done day-dreaming?” He laughed, as did pretty much everyone else at the table. They had been back to school from Christmas break for a little over a week now and Cas was still confused about Ramblin, who he was and whether he should write him back. He had come to the conclusion that there was no way the email was from another queer kid, it had to be someone playing a joke. But at the same time, he wanted so badly for it to be true. But as much as he thought his confession would set the school blazing, it didn’t do much without an identity to go with it.

Cas looked around his table of friends. Sam was the youngest but probably one of the smartest of the bunch. Kevin was the quiet shy kid who has been his best friend pretty much since second grade when they bonded over Lord of the Rings. Hannah was basically the mom of the group and kept them all on the straight and narrow. Eileen was the sophomore who taught them all some sign language and who also had the most obvious crush on Sam. And finally there was Charlie. The computer wiz. She was the one who floated in and out of the group the most as she was literally friends with everyone at the school, but it was, as she put it, “it’s easier to nerd out with you guys than the jocks”. 

“Yeah, sure Sam, just let me finished this email first.” Cas had been composing this email over the course of the last week, hesitant until now on whether he would send it or not.

 

**_To:_ ** _ RamblinMan67  _

**_From:_ ** _ AngelofThorsday _

**_Subject:_ ** _ RE: Not Alone _

_ Hello Ramblin, _

_ Thank you for your letter. _

_ I honestly did not expect any kind words to come from my post. Yours is sadly the only one I received. Even my older brother laughed at the post. I debated all week on whether to write you back. You probably aren’t expecting it at this point. But, if you are real and not a joke being played on me, I would like to perhaps continue this correspondence. If only to hold on to that feeling of not feeling like an island in a sea full of sharks.  _

_ I am not comfortable sharing who I am, I am sure you feel the same. I will just end this in a way to perhaps pique your interest to continue. I am a senior at Lawrence High (go lions or whatever), I turned 18 at the start of the school year, I am a guy (I realized my post was vague enough to be interpreted as any) and no one will ever convince me that Frodo and Sam weren’t in love with each other. _

_ -Angel _

_ P.S. Thorsday- perhaps someday I will explain that in a way that makes sense. But for now, just assume that I really like Thor…because who doesn’t? _


	3. Chapter 3

Dean laughed as he glanced at his email between class. He and Angel had been emailing each other almost every day for the past month now. It sometimes felt like it was easier than breathing, talking to this guy. He badly wanted to know who he was but at the same time, he really didn’t want to open pandora's box just yet. He hadn’t told anyone his secret and didn’t want to any time soon. Well, he might consider it if wasn’t surround by such assholes. He knew the guys on the football team wouldn’t approve.

Benny might. Benny was the one person that had never made a joke or said anything negative about being gay. He didn’t know why until a few months ago when he found out that Benny’s aunt was a lesbian and had just moved in with her longtime girlfriend, publically. Everyone thought that Donna and Jody were just really good friends, not  _ girlfriends _ . But the Sheriff and her partner sure shut them up quick. And everybody knew not to fuck with Sheriff Jody Mills.    

 

**_To:_ ** _ AngelofThorsday _

**_From:_ ** _ RamblinMan67 _

**_Subject:_ ** _ LOTR really? _

_ Angel, _

_ Are we really gonna have this argument again? I told you from the beginning that I agreed with the whole Frodo/Sam thing but that nobody could deny Legolas/Aragon too. Besides, they are so hot. Could you even imagine? _

_ Anyway….moooooving on. To answer the other part of your last email, no I haven’t told anyone yet. But I do have a friend I am considering telling first. Like a trial run. Mainly because I know he has a gay relative and I figured it might be the safest bet? I am not sure. Do you have any friends you trust with this knowledge? I hope that you are surrounded by people that wouldn’t care who you choose to love. I am afraid that my group of friends, if you could actually call them that, would never accept me….or anyone. They are the definition of down home, church on Sundays, don’t step out of your box – ignorant jocks. I honestly don’t know why I stay friends with them. Convenience? I’ve known pretty much all of them since elementary (kinda hard not to in this town huh?). I wonder if we’ve known each other since elementary too?   _

_ -Ramblin _

 

Dean was half way into his seat in 5 th period history when it dawned on him that he just sent that last letter with saying jock. Fuuuuuuck. He hurriedly pulled his phone out of his pocket, like he would be able to stop the email from sending or something. There wasn’t a chance in hell, and now it was out there. They had agreed on no identifying information. Hopefully just saying jock wasn’t enough of a clue.


	4. Chapter 4

Jock.

Oh my god.

Cas honed in on that word and sat, suspended in disbelief. He was sure that Ramblin didn’t mean to say that. But jock sure narrowed down the pool of people that Ramblin could be a part of. Football, basketball, baseball and soccer. All of them “jocks”. Perhaps Ramblin was on one of the teams? That would definitely explain his comment about ignorant jocks. At their school, what the jocks said and did was the way it was. And it didn’t escape his notice that calling anyone they didn’t like a fag was the “it thing” for those guys to do. Wouldn’t it shock the hell out of them to learn one of their own was pride flag waving member?

 

 **_To:_ ** _RamblinMan67_

 **_From:_ ** _AngelofThorsday_

 **_Subject:_ ** _jock strap anyone??_

_Hey Ramblin,_

_Sooo….I don’t know if you meant to let that little tidbit out of the gate, but now it has me wondering even more who you are. I have to admit, I didn’t peg you for the sporty kind. I assumed by your email name that perhaps you were into music, maybe you were in band or drama. I definitely think now that I was wrong. I….really hate to admit it….but I don’t have the best track record with the jocks of our school. I might have been their punching bag one too many times when I was younger.  And since I have been in this school district since 1s_ _t_ _grade, the chances of us knowing each other are more than likely now. I don’t want to point fingers, but god please tell me you have never joined in with their antics? I don’t know if I would be able to handle you being a part of the crowd of people that have bullied me before._

_I have a hard enough time with that at home. Not to say that my parents bully me. Not exactly. My older brother has always been a complete and total slacker. How he got into college is beyond me. So my parents put a lot of pressure on me to be the star child. That in itself is a difficult thing to navigate, but on top of that, my parents are incredibly religious. I was raised in church, Sunday sermons, summer church camp, the whole nine yards. My dad, thankfully, is more the quiet behind-the-scenes kind of dad. He lets my mom be the head of everything. Sometimes I wonder why they’re together because they almost seem like polar opposites. Until my mom says things about how “today’s youth is going to hell because the government sanctioned the sinning of gay marriage” and then my dad agrees with her. And then I remember why I want to get away from this hell. I am obviously not religious like they are, and every day it gets harder to pretend otherwise._

_I truly hope that your family is more accepting than mine will be. I fully expect to be cut from the family when I come out._

_Anxiously,_

_Angel_

 

 **_To:_ ** _AngelofThorsday_

 **_From:_ ** _RamblinMan67_

 **_Subject:_ ** _Oh no no no_

_Angel,_

_Fuck no! NO. I fucking hate them bullying and I haven’t been a part of it. I may be on the team, but that is one team sport I do not participate in. Fuck that. They alllllllll know better than to pull that shit around me. They tried it once with my younger brother back when we were in middle school and brother was in elementary. He had a growth spurt over one summer and his ass shot up to be way taller than me (still is frankly) and they decided to say some fucked up shit and I decked them for it. They haven’t said shit like that in front of me since. I may be afraid to come out, but you better believe I will fucking stand up for others to them._

_-Ramblin_

 

 **_To:_ ** _AngelofThorsday_

 **_From:_ ** _RamblinMan67_

 **_Subject:_ ** _shit_

_Yeahhhh…I cuss way too much for my own good. Sorry about that last email. When I get heated about something the words flow out before I can stop myself sometimes._

_I am sorry to hear that your family is that way. One can hope that they will surprise you and when you come out they open their eyes and are more accepting. Slim chance, I know. No matter what may or may not happen between us in the future, know that I will always be there to help you out – even if it’s only as friends._

_My family, I would say at this point, is up in the air on how they will react when/if I come out. My brother is probably my safest bet, only because he is younger and a little more accepting about things than most. My mom – a complete mystery. She has never, and I mean never, said anything for or against, even when the news is on and specifically talking about LGBT rights. My dad however, he will hate me. He is an avid Fox News watcher and has made plenty of homophobic slurs in the past. I was always too afraid to say anything to him; I think my brother is too. Actually, now that I think about it, I think my mom is too afraid to say anything either. When he gets on one of his tirades, we all seem to quickly vacate the room._

_Someday, I want the guts to tell him I’m bi just so I can see the look on his face. Just for a moment. I don’t necessarily want to deal with the aftermath of that can of worms. But damn, his face would be priceless._

_Sorry,_

_Ramblin_

 

Cas was beyond relieved once he received that last couple emails. He didn’t think he could handle developing feelings for a guy that has been one of his past tormentors. And he was. He was developing feelings that went beyond friendship with this guy. And now he knew some things that could ID him. He was a senior, jock but not one of bullying ones, which seriously narrowed it down, with a younger brother that was taller than him. That younger brother was probably in middle school, maybe a freshman, but that didn’t help much.

 

 **_To:_ ** _RamblinMan67_

 **_From:_ ** _AngelofThorsday_

 **_Subject:_ ** _whew_

_Damn, Ramblin, you have no idea how good it is to hear that you aren’t one them. I would hate to think I was getting close to someone that had been horrible to me in the past._

_Your dad and my mom would probably get along famously. They would probably love to be able to agree constantly with each other on the sins of people like us. Excuse my language, but fuck them. More of a reason to leave and live true to one’s self, just to stick it to them. I too have wanted to just see the look on my parents’ faces when I tell them I’m gay, just so I can have that momentary satisfaction. The storm afterwards would be terrifying though._

_I need to cut this short however. I have far too many essays to write for class._

_BTW, if no one has said it to you yet, let me be the first to wish you a Happy Valentine’s Day! (Even though it’s not until tomorrow.)_

_Love,_

_Angel_


	5. Chapter 5

“Who’s Angel?” Dean jumped a mile in his desk chair, stripping off his headphones and whipping around.

“Fuck Sam, you can’t come sneaking in my room and you DEFINITELY shouldn’t be reading shit over my shoulder!” Dean slammed the lid to his laptop closed and pushed Sam away from him. “Get the hell out.”

“To be fair, I knocked like five times and you didn’t answer. Mom wanted me to come tell you dinner is ready.”

“Good, I know. Now go.” Dean was frantically putting clothes away, trying to clean up his room and pretend he didn’t just get caught by his brother, reading his angel’s emails. But Sam wasn’t going anywhere, much to Dean’s dismay. No, he was sitting down on the foot of his bed, like he was gearing up to stay for a long time. Dinner be damned.

“Dean.” He ignored Sam, still walking around his bedroom trying to do anything to avoid looking at his inquisitive brother. “Dean.” He paused and then in a quieter voice asked, “Who is Angel? And why is she wishing you a Happy Valentine’s Day? Do you have a secret girlfriend? I don’t think I know anyone at school named Angel…”

Dean sighed and slumped into his desk chair, still avoiding Sam’s eyes. He can hardly believe he is about to do this, spur of the moment. He’ll have to tell Angel. “Um….fuck….ok….What I am about to tell you…fuck Sam, you can’t tell anyone, not even Mom ok? Please.”

“Yeah Dean, of course.” Sam sounded earnest; perhaps he would still be supportive after he came out. 

“Do you ever look at Lawrence High’s Tumblr?”

“That ridiculous ‘I’m not lying, Lion’ gossip page?” Dean nodded yes. “Well, occasionally when it comes up on my dash, but I usually take everything posted on there with a grain of salt. I don’t like seeing the gossip and bullying that goes on on there.”

“Good, I am actually glad to hear that you don’t pay attention to that crap.”

“But Dean, what’s that have to do with whoever Angel is?”

Dean sighed. The silence stretched on a bit while he worked up the courage to continue. “Did… did you by chance see a post on there about seven weeks ago, during Christmas break?”

Sam’s eyebrows about hit his hairline, “Are you the closeted gay kid?” His voice shot up loudly too.

“Shhh…. no! Fuck… yes- but I didn’t post that. Angel did. And I responded to him.”

“WAIT!” Sam stood up quickly, ran over to Dean’s bedroom door and quickly shut it. “You’re gay?!?!”

“Technically-”

“Dean, there is no technically about this.”

“I’m bisexual, okay?” Dean scrubbed his face with his hands before he continued. “Fuck. You are the first person I have told that to besides Angel, and I don’t know who he is okay, so don’t ask! He goes by Angel of Thorsday and that’s all I know. And he doesn’t know who I am either.” Sam had sunk back down in his seat on the edge of Dean’s bed, a shocked expression on his face. “Sam… say something… please.”

“Dean, thank you for telling me. I won’t say anything. I am just happy you shared that with me.”

“You-” Dean paused, stunned. “You’re ok with this?”

“Yeah, Dean. I mean, I know there are plenty of ass backward jerks out there, but I am not one of them. I don’t care who you love as long as you’re happy.”

Dean felt like he was actually going to start crying. He wasn’t planning on doing this, but now that he had he was grateful that he took the chance. His brother’s support meant more to him than he thought it would. “Thank you, Sam. Seriously.”

“Thorsday?” They both laughed. “Is he like a huge Marvel nerd, loves Thor or something?” Dean just shrugged as Sam walked to the door, “FYI, I think Mom might eventually be okay with it. But Dad on the other hand….”

Dean grimaced. “Yeah no, fuck that, I don’t ever want to have to tell Dad unless there is no choice.”

“I’ll be there to support you if you decide to. Your call. We better get to dinner.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Dean started to follow his brother down the stairs. “Oh, and don’t fucking read my email over my shoulder man, not cool!”

During dinner Dean realized the best part of that email. Besides the unexpected coming out party he had with his brother, and how accepting he was – Angel signed the letter ‘ _ love _ ’ and it set Dean’s heart racing. It was safe to say that he had more than a crush on his mysterious Angel.


	6. Chapter 6

**_To:_ ** _ AngelofThorsday _

**_From:_ ** _ RamblinMan67 _

**_Subject:_ ** _ HOLY FUCK MAN _

_ Angel, _

_ Fair warning, I am so sorry. So my brother accidentally saw your last email. Not all of it, just the end because he doesn’t know how to not be nosy and read over my shoulder. I swear I didn’t hear him come in my room, and that’s because I had my headphones on. But, fuck. okay, I ended up coming out to my brother spur of the moment because he saw your email and he’s an inquisitive little shit. AND IT WAS AMAZING. I did not expect him to be so accepting but I guess I should have. He wants to be a human rights lawyer when he grows up (I know right? Too fucking smart for his own good), so I should have figured that he would be a decent person when it comes to this kind of stuff. Anyway, he swore not to say anything to anyone, and I believe him. Hell, he’s managed to keep the secret since childhood that we stuck our Legos and army men in the vent of my dad’s car, so now whenever the air gets turned on you hear a rattle. Dad’s never figured it out, and we’ve never said anything to anyone. Shit, well, until now anyways. But I trust you’ll keep that secret too. I have to go; I am quickly writing this before 1 _ _ st _ _ period since my brother wouldn’t leave me the hell alone last night so I could write you back. _

_ Love, _

_ Ramblin  _

 

Although Cas was instantly nervous about someone else knowing about their emails, the fact that Ramblin’s little brother was so damn accepting gave him hope. Perhaps he shouldn’t be as jaded about his town’s population. He knew a couple other gay couples existed in the city (the Sheriff and her partner being the most notorious ones) and he knew in Ramblin there was another queer student in his grade. He would assume that his little brother wouldn’t be anomaly, there had to be other supportive people. It’s the 21 st century, the world is bit more progressive, no matter how much the current administration wished that weren’t true.

“Hey Cas.” Looking up, he found Charlie leaning over his desk in 5 th period English.

“What’s up, Charlie?”

“Dude, okay look, I need some help…”

“Vague, but okay, what do you want?” The bell rang signaling the end of class so Charlie followed him to his locker.

“So you know how one weekend of every month there is that giant Moondoor gathering at the park off of 9 th street…”

“The one I tell you every month that I am not going to do?”

“Yessss…but okay, I am not necessarily asking you to join in, but I desperately need someone to help me with painting some props tomorrow morning before the event starts. Please, please, please, will you help me?” Cas paused as he looked over at Charlie. He had never joined in on any of the LARPing events she had invited him too. It wasn’t his cup of tea, but he did enjoy painting and making props. Leftover talent from years of making his own DnD figures. He blamed Kevin for that.

“Okay, sure, what time?”

__

The next morning Cas entered the overcrowded field of the park, searching through the many people and tents for Charlie’s. It was 7am and too early to be here, but at least it got him out of the house and away from his parents. They had been extra preachy lately about his future choices since they were down to less than four months until graduation. He still hadn’t told them yet that he had already decided to go to school in California, near San Francisco to be honest. Once he got there he was planning on never looking back because he was going to be an out and proud gay man and what better place to do it? It may be a little stereotypical, but who cares. 

Towards the back of the field he finally discovered Charlie’s tent, and only because of the sign over the door said “Queen’s Domicile – Enter at Own Risk”. He chuckled as he pulled the flap of the door to the side to step in. “Charlie, I’m here to….” The words died on his lips. Standing there in the middle of the tent was Charlie in a full-fledged romantic embrace with another girl. It felt like the wind was punched out of him. They quickly broke apart.

“Shit… Cas… um….” The girl next to Charlie straightened her shirt, mumbled “I’m just gonna go…” and darted past him out of the tent. “Cas, can you just pretend you didn’t see that and NOT tell anyone?” 

She was obviously incredibly nervous and before Cas could stop himself the words tumbled out of his mouth. “I’m gay”.

The silence was deafening inside the tent as the two of them stared at each other. It was only broken by the tent flap opening again and another person stepping in.

“What?” Cas turned around quickly at the voice. Dean Winchester, Lawrence High’s resident all star quarterback. What perfect, horrible timing.

“Heeeeey Deannnn….” Charlie’s voice sounded weird even to his ears. “Cas is here to help us paint up the last of those props.”

“Oh yeah, that’s cool man.” Dean looked over at Cas with seemingly appraising look. “You, um, don’t participate in this do you?” Dean quickly cleared his throat, “Sorry, that sounded kind of rude. What I mean is, I have never seen you here before. Did Charlie rope you into being one of her minions too?”    

Charlie laughed loudly and the weird tension in the room lessened a tiny bit. “Dean, don’t worry. Your place as my right-handmaiden isn’t threatened. Cas is only here to help paint with his mad skills. And don’t listen to him Cas, he loves this shit.”

“Alrighty then.” Dean quickly set down the box he was holding. “I’ll just go grab that other box out of the Impala. Be right back.” Cas continued to stand there, mute and a complete third wheel to a conversation directed to him. 

As soon as Dean was out of ear shot Charlie rounded on Cas. “It was you wasn’t it!?!”

“Um….” Cas hadn’t fully found his voice yet.

“You were the closest gay kid from Tumblr?”

“Um… yeah. That’s me. But please… you can’t… no one knows.” He sank to floor where he was standing, suddenly overcome with fear.

“Shh. Hey no no, Cas. It’s cool, do you not remember what you just walked in on? I’m totally gay too!” She threw her arms around him, hugging him tighter than he probably had been his whole life. “We can be each other’s secret confidants!” The amount of enthusiasm that Charlie had about this whole situation was starting to be rather infectious. 

“I uh, I promise to never tell anyone your secret.”

Charlie pulled back and stared him in the eye, unexpectedly serious, “And I promise not to reveal yours.” They quickly got up and pulled themselves back together before Dean got back. He deposited another box right next to the other one, when the tent flap opened again, in walked Sam.

“Hey Cas! I didn’t know you were into this kind of thing too!” He was like a giant puppy dog, all flappy hair and long arms as he quickly wrapped Cas in a hug after he set down his box too. “Dean dragged me into this about a year ago when Charlie convinced him to join.”

“Shut up Sam.” Dean was still standing by the door. “Right, sorry to bail on painting-” Charlie started to protest, “BUT the guys up front asked if Sam and I could help them set up the stage for tonight’s feast.”

“Fine, fine.” Charlie waved her hand like she was dismissing them. “It’ll just give Cas and I more time to chat and make these props look super amazing without you.” The brothers were gone no longer than 30 seconds before Charlie launched into her questioning. “How long have you know? Are you seeing someone? Have you told your parents? Who was your sexual awakening?”

“Whoa Charlie, slow down.” But she didn’t stop, it was like once she opened her mouth she couldn’t contain her thoughts and they poured out like a river. At least it was making the painting go by faster.

“I’ll go first then!” She took a deep breath has she moved onto a fake looking sword she started painting with bright silver paint. “So, like five years ago when they made the Hobbit movies, all of my friends that were girls joked about wanting to make out with Legolas, or Kili, or Fili or…. well… anyone besides who I wanted to make out with - Tauriel of course. I agreed with all the guys in our school. So that’s when I knew. Oh, and Hermione. I wanted Hermione more than anything.”

Cas laughed. “Thorin. That was my first choice in those movies. Until they introduced Bard, and then I couldn’t decide. But I knew before that. Kevin and I used to marathon the Lord of the Rings movies at least twice a month since were like eight. Frodo and Sam…”  

“…were so gay for each other!” Charlie interrupted. It felt incredibly freeing to be able to talk like this. Charlie was completely non-judgmental and bubbly enough that Cas felt like the weight of the world slip off his shoulders; he wasn’t Atlas for once. And without second guessing himself, he talked easily with Charlie all morning about some of his secrets, his hopes, and his dreams. 


	7. Chapter 7

When Cas got home that evening he knew that his life had officially changed. In that little tent Charlie had managed to dig out damn near all of his secrets. About his post, about his emails with Ramblin. God, he even admitted to having feelings about him. Not just a crush, but full blown feelings. He wanted to know who this guy was just so he could put a name and face to the racing heart and sweaty hands he got every time he got an email. He thankfully didn’t admit to the fact that he had plenty of dreams about who the guy could be. It’s not like his school had a lack of good looking guys. Good looking guys who weren’t homophobes though, that was a limited number. But every jock on every team that had so much as been polite to him over the past four years got consideration on whether he was Ramblin or not.

 

**_To:_ ** _ RamblinMan67  _

**_From:_ ** _ AngelofThorsday _

**_Subject:_ ** _ inspiration _

_ Dear Ramblin, _

_ I am so proud of you. I don’t know how often you hear that where it isn’t a direct reflection of your skill on the field and/or court, but coming out to your brother like that? That took guts and I am so proud. I am not scared of your brother knowing about us emailing, we have yet to give our identities and unless he is the next Sherlock, I think I will be ok. I don’t think it would be the worst thing in the world if your brother figured out who I am. Clearly I can trust him with a secret (though I apparently can’t trust either of you with Legos and army men).  _

_ Your coming out to your brother has apparently inspired me. I randomly, spur of the moment too, but more like circumstances allowed me to, came out to a friend of mine. She gave me permission to relate this story to you, but I kind of managed to catch her in a compromising position over the weekend with another girl. She’s gay! Like, to borrow your phrase, holy fuck man! I now know of three people at our school that are queer: you, me and….let’s call her Celeste. The other girl doesn’t go to our school, but still, there is hope. _

_ Days like today make me want to throw caution to the wind and tell you who I am. I have dreams that I do. Dreams where you figure out who I am and find me in the library or an empty classroom, or on a more memorable occasion, where you find me in the locker room – and you kiss the hell out of me. It’s the weirdest thing; I have very little idea what you actually look like, but in my mind? Its fleeting flashes of skin, lips, hands and…..and I have clearly said too much now. I am going to leave it here. _

_ Love,  _

_ Angel  _

  
  


**_To:_ ** _ AngelofThorsday _

**_From:_ ** _ RamblinMan67 _

**_Subject:_ ** _ Blue balls man _

_ Angellllllll, _

_ In all my 18 years, never has something been so unintentionally erotic. Man, I should not have read that last email at 1am when I have to be up at 6am for school. Do you know what your words just did to me? I can’t fucking think of anything else. I have this fantasy in my head now, discovering you in the locker room, dripping wet in the shower after gym or something. FUCK. Running my hands down your sides, holding your naked body against mine… I… I’m not gonna lie – that’s fucking hot. I have got to go get this fantasy out of my head if I am expected to sleep AT ALL tonight. _

_ Yours, _

_ Ramblin   _

_ P.S. We both came out to someone within a day or so of each other, are we suddenly good influences on each other? Aren’t we supposed to be acting like teens with bad influences? Just so you know - I am waving a metaphorical pride flag for how proud I am of you too. _

 

If Ramblin shouldn’t have read that email at 1am last night, then Cas definitely shouldn’t have read his reply right before 1 st period. It wedged itself into the front of his mind for the entire day. He was useless. In history, math, PE, all he could think about was his mysterious Ramblin pushing up against him in the shower of the locker. Which was an incredibly dangerous thought when he was actually in the shower of said locker room quickly trying to clean off after running. He had to hurry to the library to meet all his friends while trying to will away the at least 10 th hard on of the day.

“Sorry I’m late guys,” Cas huffed out as he fell into his usual seat at their library table. It was a weird sight. Eileen was over by the book check out desk like she was desperately trying to avoid the table. Sam and Kevin were both lazily watching the girls like it was a ping pong match. Kevin, still writing something down from his book, only partially paying attention and Sam was balancing his chair on two legs, completely bored. It seemed like Charlie and Hannah were arguing but he was barely following along as he unpacked his homework, until his name was specifically mentioned. “Wait…what?”

Hannah tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and turned to Cas, “I have an assignment in my AP History class to take a historical figure and write an eight page mid-term paper on them and how they would react to our current world and I was thinking about using Lucifer and detailing how he….”

“Lucifer is not an actual historical figure,” stated Charlie angrily, and suddenly Cas understood where this argument was going and why he was suddenly brought up.

“Just because you don’t believe….” Hannah hedged at Charlie. Which was an interesting turn considering Hannah wasn’t one to speak up and out about something, whereas Charlie was not afraid to share her opinions on everything.

“It’s not that I don’t believe but I think Mrs. Belle meant more like Lincoln, or Washington or something – not a biblical figure that can’t be proven to exist.”

“Castiel…” Hannah turned towards him, cutting Charlie off. She was holding onto the cross on her necklace, absentmindedly twirling it around, “Your mom wrote that book on biblical angels and I just thought maybe you could help me.”

Cas started shaking his head before she even finished. “I’m sorry, Hannah. Just because my mom named me after the Angel of Thursday doesn’t mean I believe the same stuff as her.” 

There was a crash across the table from him as Sam’s chair gave out and flung him backwards, nearly taking the table with him. He popped up quickly, smoothing out his shirt trying to pretend he was ok. “Sorry guys, sorry. Didn’t mean to interrupt. I… have to go. I just remembered that I promised my mom I would be home early today to, uh... mow the lawn.” He hastily snatched up his bag, giving Cas and Hannah a perplexing look, and then quickly darted from the room.

“I’m sorry Hannah, I can’t help you on this assignment. But if you want, I could bring a copy of one of my mom’s books to you tomorrow?”

“I have a copy, but thanks.” Hannah whispered as she packed up her bag and silently left the table.

“Charlie!” Cas whispered harshly, “You need to apologize to her.” Charlie started to protest but Cas just cut her off. “I know. Believe me, I know. I had religion stuffed down my throat from birth, but it’s her prerogative to believe what she wants. And it’s her grade, if she wants to write that, let her. It won’t hurt you any.”

“You’re right. I’m sorry. I’ll go find her first thing in the morning.” The rest of the afternoon at their library table was silent and tense. Cas packed up his belongings and left early too. At least at home he could relax in his own room amongst the silence and tension that usually permeated the place. It was just uncomfortable to do so at school, especially after the last weekend of freedom with Charlie. He didn’t like being at odds with his friends.


	8. Chapter 8

**_To:_ ** _RamblinMan67_

 **_From:_ ** _AngelofThorsday_

 **_Subject:_ ** _ditto_

_Oh Ramblin,_

_I should not have read your last message before class. You know how difficult it is to take a shower in that actual locker room after reading that and NOT be hard? I had to think of some seriously strange things to will that away. My only consolation is that you probably had to experience the same thing today since the probability of you having PE this term is high._

_And then I had to sit through an argument my friends had about religion right after that. Instant boner killer. Ugh._

_I keep telling myself that there is less than four months of high school left and that if I can just make it through these short few months, 20 weeks, 140 days… then I can move for college, come out and be myself. I don’t want to say that I am going to become a totally different person in college – no reinventing here – but more like, I will finally be myself. Right now I am this character of myself, carefully trying to only display part of who I am while keeping the real part of myself hidden. It’s getting old.  I am sure you understand._

_Love,_

_Angel_

 

Dean was sitting at his desk in his room, attempting to do homework when Angel’s email came in. He couldn’t help but to agree with him about all of it. He had just opened up an email to respond to him when Sam knocked on his door.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Uh, Dean….” Sam pushed into his room, shutting the door behind him and shuffling over to the bed. He looked nervous.

 

“What is it? What’s wrong?” Dean turned his chair to face Sam full on. “You’re making me nervous with that face. Last time you made that face you told me that you kicked that kid Franky in the shin in first grade and got in trouble, but were too scared to tell mom.”

 

“Well, I am nervous…b-because I don’t know how to say this or how you will react, or… I don’t even know if I am right, but it feels like I am, so I came to you because you should know….”

 

“Okay Sam, you’re rambling here and I’m scared now. What happened?”

 

Sam took a deep breath, rubbing his hands together trying to work up his nerve. “Soooo… I think I know who Angel is.”

 

Dean froze. He could suddenly hear the sound of his heart beating loudly in his ears. Angel. Sam knew who Angel was. “Howwww….?”

 

“Well today in the library Hannah and Charlie were arguing about….”

 

“NO NO NO WAIT!” Dean yelled as he stood up quickly and started pacing the room. Did he actually want to know? The moment of truth. What if Angel was…..what if Angel was what? Angel was _his_ angel. As lame and clichéd as that sounded, he was truly an angel. He arrived and saved him from himself. But it was Angel’s place to tell him who he was, not Sam’s. Dean sat back down in his chair and cleared his throat, “I don’t think I want to know who you think it is.”

 

“But Dean-”

 

“No Sam. Its Angel’s place to tell me who he is. There’s a reason we are being secretive about our identities. He’s not ready. I might not be ready.”

 

“Aren’t you dying to know who he is?”

 

“God yes. More than anything, but not if he isn’t the one to tell me. Or I honestly figure it out on my own.”

 

“Okay, I respect that. But just so you know….” he paused and looked Dean right in the eye, “If I am right and Angel is who I am pretty sure he is… well… I might not be gay but even I can admit that he’s attractive. I have had more than one girl friend admit that they think he has dreamy eyes.”

 

“That’s… okay… _THAT_ you could tell me. Not like I would judge him if he wasn’t the most attractive guy but I’m not gonna lie, I have been extremely curious.”

 

Sam laughed. “Yeah, well, I could see it. You two. Together. It would be a good fit. I think you guys probably have more in common than you even realize.”

 

“You uh, you know him well then?”

 

“Enough. I don’t want to give too much away if you are hell-bent on not knowing who he is.” Sam stood and headed to the door.

 

“One question though.” Sam turned and looked back at Dean. “Without giving too much away, how did you figure out who he was?”

 

“Without giving too much away?” Dean nodded. “I know his name.” Dean was more confused by this answer than if he hadn’t asked. How did knowing his name lead to knowing he was Angel?


	9. Chapter 9

Dean waited an entire two days before finally writing Angel back. It was the longest they had gone without talking since the beginning.

 

**_To:_ ** _ AngelofThorsday _

**_From:_ ** _ RamblinMan67 _

**_Subject:_ ** _ Dreamy Eyes _

_ Dear Angel, _

_ I am sorry I did not write back before now. It has been a strange couple of days.  _

_ To address your last email – I completely get where you are coming from. College me will be the real me. I just haven’t decided which college to attend yet. I could stay near here, that’s of course always an option. But I have managed to get actually get accepted to a couple of universities. One in Texas, one in Washington, and one in California. I’m basically split between Washington and California as I don’t think my queerness will go over too well in Texas. Not like I expect to be fully accepted anywhere I go, but I figure my chances are better in a blue state. I have been leaning towards California. _

_ That was a lot of information I just gave you about myself. I think I am going to start putting a little more information out there about myself to you so perhaps you might figure out who I am. I said it’s been a strange couple of days, because I have the option of knowing who you are, but I chose not to know because I would rather you tell me, or for me to put the pieces together and figure it out for myself. _

_ I know, you are probably freaking out right now. Probably wondering just how I could have the chance to know your real identity? You know my brother saw part of your email, well, in case I didn’t mention it before, my younger brother goes to our high school. Two days ago he came to me after school and told me he was pretty sure he knew who you were. He was completely ready to tell me, but I stopped him. More than anything I want you to trust me enough to tell me yourself. I know I trust you to know my identity but until you explicitly tell me you want to know my name – I will just drop hints and hope you want to piece the pieces together. _

_ Love, _

_ Ramblin _

_ P.S. What my brother would tell me is that he has had several of his girl friends tell him that they thought you had dreamy eyes. Tell me this is true because they have been haunting my dreams. _

 

Dean was lucky he had access to his email while he was on the computer in the library that day because he didn’t think he could wait any longer to get home to send that email. His phone was down to 20% and he left his charger at home. But he made it through four classes that day and all he could do was look at every senior guy in the eyes, just trying to find the so called dreamy eyes that Sam spoke of. He actually spent the last two days basically doing the same. It was a big school, but he had to have looked at his Angel by now. Surely they spend at least one class together?

 

He had just signed out and was packing up his bag to leave the library when he heard Sam’s voice.

 

“Thanks Cas, I appreciate the help.” Dean turned down the isle of books to find Sam standing with Cas, two books in hand.   
  


“Oh, hello Dean.” Had Cas always had such a deep gravelly voice? He tried to think of the last time Cas spoke directly to him. In Charlie’s tent at Moondoor? But no, now thinking on it, Cas never got a word in edgewise that day.

 

“Hi Cas, Sam, what’s up?”

 

Sam smiled brightly before holding up the two books in his hands. “Cas was just helping me with an English assignment. We were gonna met up after school to go over this but Cas has to leave early, so he offered to grab these books now for me.”

 

“Cool man, that’s awfully nice of you.” The bell for end of class rang before Dean could comment further, which was probably a good thing because Dean was suddenly feeling a little tongue-tied. “I have to head to history. See you guys later.” He quickly waved and headed out of the library. Cas was good looking. He didn’t honestly pay much attention to him, which now he was thinking was a shame. He knew he was friends with Sam, geniuses and the like tend to stick together, but Cas was always that small quiet kid growing up. They never ran in the same circles, but now he wished they had because, damn, _Cas grew up_. He was tall, and filled out but lean, and had a deep sexy voice… and… oh my god… he had incredibly… vivid, beautiful...dreamy… eyes. Oh. Oh fuck.

 

Dean ducked into the bathroom on the way to his next class. There was no way he could go in there right now. Things were starting to make sense. Cas wasn’t in any of his classes, he was in AP everything and what wasn’t AP was at different times than his classes obviously. He was damned attractive and had dreamy eyes just like Sam said Angel had. He’s never dated anyone that he could think of, so he couldn’t pinpoint him as gay or straight necessarily. But he remembered that Cas had an older brother, just like Angel does. He was pretty sure that Cas had PE the last class of the day and so did Angel. Both Angel and Cas were Lord of the Rings nerds. He could definitely remember hearing, okay, eavesdropping, on several of his and Kevin’s arguments about it back in the day. And Cas was definitely teased quite a bit back in middle school when his voice started to change.

 

What did Sam say? He knew who Angel was because he knew his name? So what was Cas short for? He remembered learning it was he was younger in elementary school. It was a weird name. He pulled out his phone and pulled up google. Hopefully his battery would last because he had to figure this out.

 

_ “What is the name Cas short for?” _ It took all of two second after the results loaded for him to modify is search.  _ “What is the boy’s name Cas short for?” _ Bingo.

 

Cash.

 

Cassius.

 

Casey.

 

Castiel.

 

Oh fucking hell, that was it.

 

One last google search told him everything he needed to know.  _ “What does the name Castiel mean?” _

  
_ “ _ _ The meaning of the name Castiel is Angel of Thursday”. _


	10. Chapter 10

**_To:_ ** _ RamblinMan67 _

**_From:_ ** _ AngelofThorsday _

**_Subject:_ ** _ No Shit Sherlock _

_ Dear Ramblin, _

_ Damn, you brother IS the next Sherlock Holmes. How the hell did he figure me out? Wait, you know what, I don’t want to know. Because if you tell me, chances are that will narrow it down and I’ll know who your brother is, and then know who you are. I like your idea. Tell each other or figure it out ourselves. Sounds like a fun challenge. We have been talking for three months now. I think I might be ready for you to know anyways. There’s a short amount of time left to know you before college. Although, it’s funny, I have been accepted to a university in California as well. Perhaps they are the same, or near each other. It’s a huge state, but how small world would that be? I don’t know exactly what I would like to do with my life yet but I like the idea of counseling the youth. I would like to help someone be comfortable with themselves. What about you? _

_ I think I have narrowed down who you can be to a handful of people. I have to be honest though, only one of them seems like a likely option for you. Perhaps once I know more details about you I will have a larger pool of people to guess from. I don’t know. To be honest, I really don’t socialize with much of our class, so knowing intimate details about our classmates is not my forte. I want to be candid though, I don’t care who you are or what you look like. I know you, have gotten to know the real you through our many letters, and I would just be happy officially meeting you, as truly terrifying as that might be. I don’t know what I would say to you at first. Probably something horrifyingly lame or dorky, but I have been known to be loquacious and I hope that would come across in person. I have my doubts. I usually become mute around cute guys. It’s no wonder I have always been considered shy in our class.   _

_ I think I will leave you with one tidbit about myself, another breadcrumb if you will. My eyes are blue, but nobody has ever told me that they’re dreamy… maybe you could be the first.  _

_ Until next time… _

_ Love, Angel _

 

Dean banged his head against his desk. Breadcrumbs. What good were breadcrumbs when he had already figured it out? Of course Cas had blue eyes. And of course they were dreamy as hell. There was a knock at his door, he just groaned, knowing it was Sam coming to investigate.

 

“What do you want, Sam?” he mumbled, head still against the top of his desk.

 

“Sooo… what’s with the head banging? That went out of style years ago.”

 

“Ha. You’re fucking funny, Sherlock.”

 

Sam laughed as he once again sat at the end of his bed, “Why are you calling me Sherlock?”

 

“Because,” Dean sat up and looked him, “that’s what Cas called you in his last email.” Sam jumped up from the bed and stared at Dean, mouth open with shock.

 

“You- did he- you figured it out!”

 

“Yeah, I did. Your fucking dreamy eyes comment and ‘you know his name’ and maybe I am just too dense to not figure it out before now, but I know. I know, and he doesn’t know that I know.”

 

“Are you gonna start quoting Friends at me?  _ They don’t know that we know that they know we know!” _ Sam was clearly happy at this turn of events, laughing his ass off, but Dean didn’t know what to do.

 

“Shut up Sam, seriously, what am I supposed to do?”

 

Sam sobered up and sat down immediately. “Are- are you not happy it’s Cas? I mean… Cas is awesome.”

 

“I know. I agree. But I don’t know Cas. I mean, I do, I know Angel, but Cas and I have barely had a handful of conversations in person over the last 12 years.”

 

The silence in his room was starting to make his skin itch. “Well, are you… like attracted to him? Could you picture yourself kissing him?”

 

“Oh my god Sam shut up!” Dean went back to hitting his head against his desk. Fuck yeah, he could picture it. In vivid detail. Now was not the time to get hard thinking about Cas. “Yes, he is definitely attractive, that’s not the problem. The problem is now I am actually faced with knowing who he is and acting on it and I- fuck… I’m scared.” 

 

“Dean, nobody says you have to go from zero to sixty in the course of one day. Just talk to the guy, get to know him in person. Join us after class for homework, talk to him then- oh don’t give me that look Dean, I know you always like to put off homework to work on the Impala instead, but there are three months left before college – you could always use the extra help to make sure you graduate near the top of your class. Then that will insure you go to California and I can join you in a few years.”

 

“Yeah, yeah…okay, you’re right. I will think about joining your study group thing.”

 

“Good.”

 

“Should I tell him I know?”

 

“Man, that’s up to you. I know you guys both and I love ya, but I am no longer playing your Cupid. I have my own love life to plan.” 

 

Dean snorted out a laugh. “You. Love life? You’re 14, what kind of a ‘love life’ could you possibly have?”

 

Sam turned around at door, “Right now? More of one then you’ve got apparently.” His laughter followed him out into the hall and Dean was left to contemplate his next move.

 

**_To:_ ** _ AngelofThorsday _

**_From:_ ** _ RamblinMan67 _

**_Subject:_ ** _ Breadcrumbs _

_ Dear Angel, _

_ All your breadcrumbs have left me happily drowning in my imagination. I have mentioned before that I have this fantasy that I would find you in the locker room right? Let me expand on that… _

_ I have dreamt this several times. I would come in late from football practice, all the other guys would already be showered and gone, but in the darkened locker room there is the sound of a lone shower. Lo and behold it’s filled with you. I can only see your back, toned and lean, probably from running so often. I imagine your about my height, dark hair, just enough to grab a hold of. I imagine lining my naked self up behind you, hands going to your hips, lips going to your shoulder. You moan; it isn’t loud, but it reverberates around the empty locker room anyhow. It’s guttural and wanton. You turn your head over your shoulder, my green eyes catch your eyes, and god, you have the dreamiest blue eyes I have ever seen (no lie, I always assumed they were bright blue, even before you told me). And your lips? In my dream they are soft but persistent, like you can’t get enough of me, just like I can’t get enough of you. _

_ The dream always cuts off there but someday, someday I want to make that dream a reality that continues on. _

_ Sweet Dreams, _

_ Ramblin _


	11. Chapter 11

**_To:_ ** _ RamblinMan67  _

**_From:_ ** _ AngelofThorsday _

**_Subject:_ ** _ Green Eyes _

_ Dear Green Eyes, _

_ I don’t know if I can keep calling you Ramblin now that I know for sure that you have green eyes. It’s been three days since that first fantasy email, and though we have moved on from it….I can’t let it go. I close my eyes and all I see is your green eyes behind my eyelids. They haunt my dreams too.  I can’t actually believe that I am going to admit this, but your dream almost seems tame compared to the ones I have had lately. For once, the dream doesn’t take place at school. Somehow you are in my bedroom, you’ve pushed me back on my bed, and my jeans are unzipped and partially pulled down. Your lips and tongue are magical. You don’t have enough hair for me to grab ahold of but I try, oh do I try. And with your lips still around me, you look up with your vivid green eyes that cut me to my soul and I come before I can stop myself. _

_ I want that. I want you. _

_ -Angel _

 

Dean was panting rather hard. He had reread that email a good ten times that night, quietly in his dark room. Now that he knew Cas was Angel, it was extremely easy to put himself into that fantasy, to actual picture himself sucking Cas off. He patiently waited until he knew that everyone was asleep before he took his aching cock in hand to thoughts of Cas. 

 

He had been playing it cool at school, trying really hard to not seem obvious to Cas that he knew who he was, but also trying to find any reason to cross paths with him. He found himself going to the library more in the last week than he had in the last four years. 

 

Thankfully his brother was a better actor than he ever gave him credit for. Yesterday Dean crashed the last 10 minutes of their group study in the library on the pretense of giving Sam a ride to the store like he had asked. Sam caught on quick, though his megawatt smile should have given them away. It was obvious to Sam what Dean was trying to do, and the odd look Charlie gave him made him nervous, but he was trying, even though it felt like he had a neon sign above his head flashing, “I’m interested in Cas”.

 

Cas was so studious, sitting there with his books open, highlighting notes. Dean felt like he was purposely being ignored but then he thought back to one of his emails where Cas said he went mute in front of cute guys, which made everyone assume he was really shy. He couldn’t help but hope that meant Cas thought he was cute, and that was why he was so quiet. 

 

That’s what brought him back again this afternoon, directly after class so as to spend more time with them. He unpacked his homework with a comment to Sam, loud enough for all to hear, “Man, I need you to work your voodoo and make me concentrate on homework. If I go home to do it, Dad will just put me to work.” Surprisingly, everyone at the table seemed okay with Dean suddenly joining their group, like it wasn’t completely unusual for the school’s quarterback to join them in the library for homework.  

 

“So, Dean.” Charlie’s voice had a way of cutting through conversations; making hers the only one others heard even if there were arguments going on. He hated to admit it, but right now, her voice sounded like her queen character in Moondoor, demanding and regal. He dreaded what she might say, she was too observant sometimes. He looked at Charlie, quickly cut his eyes towards Cas – who was across the table looking at him, head slightly cocked to the side, studying him – it was getting harder to pull his eyes from Cas when he looked at him. He needed to check himself before he got caught.

 

“Yeah Charlie?”

 

“Four years dude, and you just now start joining us for homework? What gives?” Everyone looked up at him now. He hated being in the spotlight, ironic as that was given his quarterback status. He could feel his face start flaming red, as per usual. 

 

“To be honest, I should have joined you fucking years ago.” Everyone laughed. “There’s only a few months of school left and I’m finding myself slacking off and not caring anymore and fuck that, I  _ NEED _ to graduate and get out of here. I know Sam is good at keeping his fucking head in the game, just thought that being around you guys might help me do the same. My so-called other friends don’t care if they ever leave this town, except maybe Benny, and they’re all a bad influence.” This was probably the most Dean had ever said to all of them in one sitting beside his brother and Charlie, but they all nodded along like they were in agreement. So Dean relaxed a little, pulling his history book towards him, trying to focus and not look up to stare at Cas again. 

The table quieted down after Dean’s little speech. He wasn’t use to people actually electing to quietly do homework with each other. Times in the past that he did homework with his teammates always ended up in joking and laughing and not actually getting shit done. Dean really should have joined them years ago to do this, his grades would have been much better. Not like he was flunking out right now but he could have been in AP classes, maybe, if he had applied himself. But then again, he didn’t have the motivation of seeing Cas then like he did right now.

 

He had been doing homework for a good 30 minutes when he decided to pull his phone out. It was risky writing Cas back with him sitting across the table from him, but he had a half composed letter sitting in his drafts and he was itching to finish it off and send it.

 

“Put your phone away.” Dean jumped in his seat from the hissed words, breaking the silence in the room.

 

“What?”

 

Charlie looked at him fully. “Your phone. Our tables rule is no phone while sitting here.” He was sure the look on his face spoke volumes but she continued. “This one here,” she jerked her thumb towards Cas, “wouldn’t leave his phone alone after Christmas, emailing like his life depended on it and ended up late on two assignments. And Kevin always leaves the sound on with the worst text tone imaginable. So after all that we made this a phone free zone in order to, how’d you put it? Oh yeah, keep our fucking heads in the game and graduate.” 

 

If Cas could have disappeared under the table, Dean thought he would. He couldn’t help but smirk. He obviously knew why Cas was constantly on his phone – it was the same reason he wanted to be on his right now.  

 

“Man, you never did say what was so important about your email?” Kevin interjected. Cas smiled and looked down. “What? What was that look Cas? Should I be calling you Casanova? Got a secretive hot girlfriend you’re hiding from us?” He laughed and so did Hannah and Eileen. Charlie, Dean and Sam were all suspiciously quiet. It took two seconds for Dean to see how Cas shut down completely at that comment - it was a look he never wanted to see on his face again.

 

Dean jumped in, hoping to divert the attention to himself instead. “Man Kev, maybe you should be calling me that.” He laughed and waved his phone at him. “If Charlie hadn’t decided to call me out about my phone right now I would be laying out my best pickup lines.”

 

Sam laughed and shoved Dean, “No, what Dean needs to be saying is ‘Thanks Charlie for stopping me as nobody in the world needs to hear my incredibly horrible and corny pickup lines.’ Seriously, they’re the worst.”

 

The tension at the table broke with Sam’s comment and this time everyone was laughing, including Cas. Dean felt his heart stutter at the sound. It was now his new goal to make Cas laugh and smile as much as possible. He knew Kevin didn’t mean to upset Cas with that comment, it was obvious that he didn’t know that Cas was gay. But Charlies quiet behavior at the comment made Dean think. Was she Celeste? Cas has a friend he came out to that was a lesbian. Of the three girls at the table, Charlie was the most obvious option for that role. Eileen was obviously crushing on his brother. And Hannah was a straight laced Christian. But Charlie, well… Dean’s an idiot. Of all the weekends he spent with her in “Moondoor” he should have realized before now that she was gay. Hell, she even knew who the porn star Belladonna was, and if Dean was a gambling man, he would bet that the average straight high school girl didn’t know who that was.


	12. Chapter 12

**_To:_ ** _ AngelofThorsday _

**_From:_ ** _ RamblinMan67 _

**_Subject:_ ** _ Hi _

_ Dear Angel, _

_ I have a confession. I can clearly and vividly picture your fantasy. Every second of it and more.  _

_ So.  _

_ Much.  _

_ More.  _

_ I don’t think I have ever wanted someone more than I’ve wanted you. I go to bed, and I want you next to me. I want those middle the night talks where we could just lay in the dark and talk about everything and nothing. I wake up, and I wonder how your night was, if you dreamt of me too. In class, I wonder what class you are in because I am positive we don’t share any classes. _

_ I can’t hold it in anymore…I know. I know who you are Cas. I figured it out, on my own, and every day when I see you I want to walk up and kiss you. I want to get close enough to you for you to look into my green eyes and realize who I am. But I am terrified. You are so smart, I can’t even compare. And I am so afraid that you will figure out who I am and want nothing to do with me. I’m afraid because I have gone and tumbled head over heels for you, and I feel like I am lying now to you, because I know your identity but you don’t know mine. _

_ Tell me what you want to do, because I am bursting at the seams and completely directionless. _

_ Love, _

_ Your Green Eyed Ramblin Man   _

 

Cas was so glad he checked this email at home. And even more grateful that it was tonight of all nights that his parents weren’t even home - some senseless fundraiser at the church and he knew that meant they wouldn’t be home until super late.

 

This was the second time today that Cas was left feeling like he was sucker punched. Earlier when Kevin made that Casanova comment, he just wanted to disappear. And then Dean of all people came to his rescue. He wanted to thank him because in that moment he honestly didn’t know what he would have said to Kevin and Dean saved him from having to say anything at all.  

 

And then to come home to an email with Ramblin basically coming out and admitting he knew the truth – Cas felt like his head was spinning. He knew who Cas was and he wasn’t running? It almost felt too good to be true. But Cas was tired of hiding from him. It’s not like there was much left to hide anyhow. He knew who he was. And it was time for Cas to step up.

 

**_To:_ ** _ RamblinMan67  _

**_From:_ ** _ AngelofThorsday _

**_Subject:_ ** _ Um…hello _

_ Dear Green Eyes, _

_ We knew it would happen eventually, so this doesn’t come as a huge surprise, especially since you brother knows too. What finally gave me away? _

_ I think you don’t give yourself enough credit. I am not the sort to reject you based on looks, or social standing, or brain power (you figured out who I am way before I could figure out you). Please stop putting yourself down. You aren’t the only one to have tumbled head over heels here. But I am directionless too. I don’t know where to go from here that wouldn’t make things completely and utterly awkward. _

_ Tomorrow is Friday and next week is Spring Break. We don’t have much time left here and I don’t want to put my head in the sand and pretend that these emails haven’t completely changed my life. Come find me tomorrow night, around 6:30. I’ll be at that burger place on 8 _ _ th _ _ and Massachusetts.   _

_ Love, _

_ Cas _

 

He had never been more unfocused in all his life. He knew he needed to pay attention in class. All his teachers were giving out their assignments for Spring Break, but Cas could only focus on meeting his mystery man later. Each senior he passed in the halls he scrutinized, checking their eyes, their demeanors, hoping that he would be able to tell from just one look. But he knew he wouldn’t now. He was too hyper-aware of everything that he couldn’t concentrate. He wouldn’t be surprised if Ramblin had decided to avoid him today in order to not give himself away.

 

Cas was grateful that in last period PE his teacher was being lax enough to let everyone to whatever they wanted. He found himself on the track, running literal circles while he worked himself up. He was only a few hours away from the big reveal - just had to meet with his friends and then he could go to the restaurant. He wasn’t planning on staying with his friends for long. Just enough time to catch whatever assignments he missed from zoning out. He then planned on going to the restaurant, taking up an entire booth and just doing his homework there while he passed the time.

 

Slipping into his usual seat at the library table he was surprised to only see Kevin and Sam sitting there. “What, Spring Break and everyone decided to skip out today?”

 

“Yeah, you’d think you all had senioritis or something.” Sam said in a deadpan voice, barely concealing his smirk.

 

“Ha ha. Hey Kevin, did you get the assignment for AP Bio?”

 

“You were spacing out pretty hard in that class man, what’s up?”

 

“Nothing, nothing. Perhaps I have senioritis like Sam said.” He quickly copied down Kevin’s notes while Sam and him went back to discussing whatever it was he had interrupted earlier. He kept glancing at his watch. No wonder no one was left in the library, he was surprised it was even open still. School got out an hour ago and it was already 5:30, only a half hour left until they closed the building anyway. He had taken advantage of the fact that the locker rooms were still open to shower and change after PE here. No way did he want to go home and explain to his mom that he actually had plans tonight. As far as she knew, he was staying late at Kevin’s tonight to prep for an AP Bio test. 

 

He wasn’t really paying any attention to what was going on around him until he heard Kevin loudly screech “no way man, me too!” 

 

“Here you go….” He slid his notebook back over to him. “You too, what?” He asked casually as he started backing up his bag.

 

“Sam and I were just talking about the future.” He laughed. “Since you know, damn near everyone at this table will be gone in a few weeks. I was asking him where he wanted to go to college and he said Stanford, which you know is where I am going.”

 

“That’s a good school Sam; it’s really not far from where I am planning on going.”

 

“Yeah Sam, all three of us will be going to school near each other! How cool is that?”

 

“Four, actually.” Sam cut in. “My brother got into Santa Clara. I think he decided on there. I believe his other choice was UDub.” California and Washington. Once again he felt like he was sucker punched, right in the lungs, stealing his breath from him. Cas didn’t remember sitting down but suddenly he found his ass in his chair and his stomach felt like it fell to the floor. “I personally chose Stanford to be lawyer.”

 

Kevin laughed, “You want to be one of those hoity rich lawyers in the Silicon Valley man? Didn’t peg you for that.”

 

“Of course not!” Sam shoved a sniggering Kevin. Cas still sat there stunned. “Human rights lawyer actually, probably why I spend so much time with you guys in here. Want to make sure I can actually do it and get in.”

 

Bolting out of his chair, Cas snatched up his bag and threw it over his shoulder. “I, uh… I just remembered something, I gotta go. See you guys in a week.” He didn’t even give them a chance to respond. He didn’t slow down until he got in his car, and finally took a deep shaky breath. This had to have been how Ramblin felt when he figured out that he was Angel. Because Ramblin… he was definitely Dean Winchester. Cas was terrified. And so very fucking happy. 


	13. Chapter 13

Dean wasted no time. As soon as that last glorious bell sounded at school, he bolted out of there. He had already explained to Sam that he would have to find another way home after his study session with his friends. He also lied to his mom and told her that Benny and him were planning on hanging out and having dinner that night. She didn’t need to know that he was actually going on a date. At least, he was pretty sure this was a date. He honestly hoped it was. 

 

Even with running home to shower and change, he was still a half hour early to the restaurant. It was ironic that Cas chose this location – it was one of Dean’s favorite places in town. They had the best pie, but today he didn’t think he could stomach it. So he took a booth towards the back, facing the door so he could see everyone who walked in. He ordered a milkshake, just so he’d have a reason to sit there. 

 

Every time the bell above the door jingled, and it wasn’t Cas walking through, made Dean’s nerves jump. He was fidgeting excessively, so he decided to pull out his phone and reread some of their emails. He had been obsessively rereading the emails between them since he figured out who Angel was. He wanted to see if any of the little pieces of info about himself would add up to him being Dean Winchester. He tried to look at it from an outsider’s point of view, but he was starting to realize that he hadn’t been forthcoming enough. No one in this town in their right mind would see the school’s quarterback and immediately think, ‘ah yes, this guy is bi and in deep with the school’s valedictorian.’ 

 

“Hello Dean.” He jumped in his seat. The whole point of this booth was to see when Cas came in and he still managed to get the drop on him. But looking at him, with the shy smile and assessing eyes, Dean knew immediately.

 

“You figured it out.” Cas huffed a laugh and slid into the seat across from him. Damn he looked good. His hair was still damp, obviously having showered after PE. Which just brought images to Deans mind of Cas in the schools shower, Dean joining him and carefully pushing up behind him. He shifted in his seat, trying to surreptitiously adjust himself and not let anyone see. Cas just smiled at him as if he knew exactly what Dean was doing.

 

“I did. Just today. Funny thing is - you didn’t want your brother to tell you who I was, so instead he told me who you were.” Dean was ready to get pissed, but without realizing it, Cas had engulfed his hand on the table and immediately stopped his train of thought. “Sam didn’t do it intentionally. He was talking with Kevin in the library about college and he mentioned Stanford, your choices of Santa Clara and UDub, and ultimately that he wanted to be a human rights lawyer.” His hand was suddenly really cold as Cas unexpectedly pulled his own away. He could feel it tingling where they had held contact but he was probably afraid of being caught. “I finally had enough breadcrumbs.”

 

They sat in silence, though not uncomfortable. They were finally both able to look at each other, unguarded and knowingly. The tension seemed to skyrocket to Dean. It was a rubber band expanding between them and becoming taunt – one wrong, or right, move and it would snap. At that point, it didn’t matter that this was probably the longest conversation the two of them had ever had face to face – he wanted nothing more than to leave. They had been dancing around each other, talking for ages for the last four months. Now that he had Cas to himself, in person, he wanted to speed up time.

 

“You want to go for a drive?” Cas was up and standing next to the table before Dean could fully get the question out. He just laughed as he stood up too. He was only slightly taller than Cas, but standing this close to him, seeing the deep blue of his eyes and smelling the heady musky scent mixed with soap and something that was distinctly Cas - it was making Deans stomach erupt in butterflies.

 

And just when Dean thought that his voice could not be anymore deep and sexy - Cas spoke the suddenly thrilling words, “Yes. Let’s get out of here. Please.”


	14. Chapter 14

Today was one of the days Dean was incredibly appreciative that his dad let him borrow the Impala more often than not. He would sure miss this car when he went to college, but today? Today the Impala was a fucking godsend. Today, he was going to act like the high school teenager he was and take his date to an empty back road.

 

“A boat launch, Dean?” He sounded skeptical when Dean had pulled in but he knew that Cas would end up liking this choice.

 

“Yeah, used to come here when I was younger. And as you can see, it’s a dead end and there’s nobody out here, because nobody likes to launch and retrieve after the sun has gone down.” He pulled his car into a spot that butted up right against a copse of trees. With a black car and no thru traffic that meant they would be practically hidden from sight. He killed the engine, left the radio playing quietly, and sat back, looking over at Cas. He was suddenly shy. He wasn’t lying when he had told Cas that he had never done anything with another guy. Hell, he hadn’t even rounded all the bases with Lisa when they dated last year. For all intents and purposes, he was still a virgin. But he also knew that Cas was too.

 

“Dean… I… um…”

 

“Wait Cas, I just wanted to say that I didn’t bring you out here for any nefarious purposes. Seriously, I just want to be alone with you where we could talk or whatever and not get disturbed or unwillingly outed.”

 

God, he had a beautiful smile. “Thanks Dean. Means a lot that you said that. And I can tell you are being wholly sincere about it.” It was starting to get a tiny bit awkward; it was so quiet Dean could probably hear the crickets outside if he turned the radio down a little. “But seriously…” His voice was quiet but sure, and sounded heavier and more rough than normal. When Cas looked at him and his dreamy eyes weren’t so much dreamy anymore, more like what the definition of what bedroom eyes would be. “…your emails have been giving me blue balls for weeks and if you don’t get your ass over here and kiss me, I might actually combust.”

 

“Oh thank fuck!” They both chuckled as Dean quickly slid across the bench seat. The first touch of lips did not stay tentative for very long. Lips and hands blurred in motion has they both tried to consume as much of each other as they could. “Cas,” Dean pulled back, moaning softly, “back seat, come on, more room back there.” 

 

Moments later, finally situated in the back seat, Dean found himself with a lap full of Cas, warm and lightly rocking against him as his mouth explored his own. It’s the kiss that Dean had dreamt of for weeks, with just enough tongue and a nip of teeth, and it felt like he just jumped head first into a nice cold lake on a warm summer day. It’s exhilarating. 

 

Grabbing ahold of Cas, he digs his hands into his ass, pulling him forward harder onto his aching cock. The groan Cas lets forth is far louder than he’s expecting, echoing loudly enough that Dean is glad that they’re in the middle of nowhere. He knows he that he probably can’t come like this, but it feels so fucking good that he’s almost unwilling to stop. He didn’t want to go from zero to sex in a day, but they’ve wasted so much time getting to this point that Dean will give whatever part of himself to Cas that he wants to have.

 

Having a bench seat this big in such in old car is perfect for what Dean abruptly plans to do. Carefully, he scoots towards one door, making sure there is enough room to twist and lay Cas down on the seat. “What?” Cas is breathing hard, eyes wide staring up at him. Half kneeling on the bench seat and the floor, Dean carefully situates himself between his legs. Next time? Next time they were going to do this in a nice big comfy bed dammit.

 

“If at any point you want to stop, say the word, okay?” He liberally starts biting and sucking at his neck as soon as Cas nodded yes. He rolls his hips into him, none too gently once he makes first contact, but he has to make himself slow down since this would get him off….waaay too fast. And right now, Dean wanted this to be about Cas and not himself. Shifting as far back as he could bodily go, he starts pulling up Cas’ shirt, lightly biting at his stomach and he working open his jeans.

 

“Hhmmm… I was right….” Cas scratched his hand through Dean’s short hair and tugged, a zing of pleasure shooting down his back. He just growls into the kiss he was placing on his stomach, “Not enough for an actual handful to hold on to.”

 

Pulling back slightly Dean looked up into his hooded eyes, “Say the words and I’ll never get another haircut. Hmmm… lift….”  With a swift tug, the jeans hiding Cas from Dean’s view are out of the way. Face to face with his first dick that wasn’t his own didn’t make him nearly as nervous as he thought it would be. His own cock throbs as he stares at Cas unabashedly. With feigned confidence he takes him in hand, resuming his kissing of his stomach, thighs, pretty much anywhere that isn’t his cock. Cas is softly moaning, breathing heavy, and his eyes are screwed shut. Dean wants to make him moan like he did earlier, just louder.

 

With a deep breath, Dean leans forward, abruptly licking Cas from base to tip, and then slowly sinking down on him. “Oh fuuuuck…” Cas stutters, hips lifting off the seat, voice loud in the car and hands desperately trying to grab ahold of Deans hair, settling to cup the back of his head instead. The sudden intense pleasure Dean is feeling in this moment is overwhelming. He had no idea that he liked his hair being pulled, or the obscenely hot noises that Cas was making. And hell, giving head might be his new favorite thing. It only takes him a few up and down motions to set a rhythm, find his groove and rolling with it. He had watched enough porn to know what to do, and fuck, they were both fucking virgins – it didn’t have to be perfect the first time, it just had to happen and that would make it perfect. 

 

Looking up at Cas as he was giving him a blow job was all he needed to do apparently. “Dean… ohhhh oh Dean.” Cas was no longer holding his head or tugging on his hair but pushing him up. Pulling back, he still kept pumping him – judging right that he was about to come. And the unrestrained moan that comes from Cas as he comes has Dean grunting along with him. Blindly, Dean reached down around on the floor, searching for one of his sweaters he knew was in there. He swiped it briefly across Cas’ stomach and gently pulled his pants back up before he was finally able to lean forward, pulling a pliant Cas into a kiss. “That was…” Cas said in between kisses, “…far fucking better than my dream.”

 

Laughing Dean pulled back, “I have never heard you cuss so much before.”

 

“I haven’t either! Guess you’re rubbing off on me.”

 

“Mmmmm, not yet I’m not” he answered as he shifted forward, dragging his painfully hard cock against his leg while pulling Cas back into a kiss. He let out an incredibly loud whimper of his own as he felt Cas drag his hand across his tented jeans. With sure fingers, he tore at his belt and pulled his zipper down, shifting Dean up so that he could tug his jeans down over his hips – giving him full access.

 

Dean buried his face into Cas’ neck to muffle his sob as Cas finally took him in hand. He was biting at the juncture of his shoulder and neck, no longer caring if he left a mark or not. “Shit, Cas… mmm.” He was basically fucking into Cas’ fist and Cas was urging him on as his other hand was grabbing his ass, pulling him forward. 

 

“Come on Dean,” Cas’ words whispered against Dean’s ear. He was so lost to the sensation of it all. It was too much but not enough at the same time. But the second that Cas’ hand slipped, burying itself between his cheeks and touching Dean where he hadn’t even dared to go on himself yet, sent his hips slamming forward, orgasm hitting him completely by surprise. His arms abruptly gave out causing him to flop down on top of Cas, heedless about the mess he just made. Fuck it. Fuck it all. 

 

“That was amazing.” A soft chuckle was the only noise he heard over the combined sound of their heartbeats.

___

 

Between lazy kisses they cleaned up the best they could and finally exchanged numbers. Neither wanted to end the night but both were dreadfully aware that there was a reason they were sneaking around. He dropped Cas off at his car not too long after that with whispered promises and lingering kisses. They had the whole following week away from school. Spring break was here and they planned on taking advantage of every moment they could get together – as newly minted boyfriends. 

 

They had already decided to take a couple days trip up to Kansas City, Missouri on the pretext that they told each of their parents that they were visiting the campus there. Dean would say he was going with Benny since that wouldn’t be a total lie; Benny was actually going there come fall. And Cas had actually applied there as a backup and since he hadn’t told his parents that he had already decided on California (the same fucking university as him, ironically) he could get away with going. Plus, they were both 18, so technically they were adults and they could go if they wanted. But both knew that they only had a few short months to placate their folks before leaving…for good probably.


	15. Chapter 15

If only Cas had fucking known.

 

He had decided to do his research before traveling the hour over to Kansas City with Dean. They weren’t actually going to go check out the campus there so Cas wanted to have some ideas of places to go see, things to do. And honestly, where they could stay. He hadn’t been to Kansas City, Missouri since he was a kid, his parents just never elected to go there. And during his research he figured out why. They were far more liberal in that town than his parents probably liked.

 

So Cas planned all kind of things to do with their time there. Sightseeing of all the many fountains, going to the public library (Dean had laughed at this but happily agreed to go), there were the botanical gardens and art museums to see too. It was basically one big, long date and Cas couldn’t wait to go. He wanted nothing more than to be able to hold his boyfriend’s hand in public and walk around, but since they couldn’t do that yet – he would happily take just being able to spend some time with him. He just...couldn’t wait to go.

 

It should be weird. It wasn’t like Dean and Cas had ever really spent a ton of time together before, even though they had technically “known” each other since elementary school. But he felt more himself, more comfortable in his own skin around Dean then he had around anyone, save maybe Charlie or possibly Kevin. No, he definitely felt more comfortable with Dean. Like puzzle pieces fitting seamlessly together. Since the first night down by the lake, they had been in continuous contact. Exchanging numbers sure sped up the time between messages. Some were flirty, some were serious. 

 

Dean had come out to his friend Benny Saturday night while playing video games at his house. And although it was a little rocky there for a moment, Benny seemed to accept that Dean was still Dean in the end. However, apparently, he told Dean that coming out to anyone else on the team would be the wrong move - they wouldn't be as accepting. We both agreed. But we both also agreed to tell Charlie. Sunday morning there was a gathering for some special event for the Moondoor LARPing thing that both Dean and Charlie did and we had decided to both go and tell her. Dean had figured out from our emails that she was Celeste, so today was going to be one big gay outing – literally. 

 

“Okay, are you ready Dean?” His dad had the Impala today, apparently doing a tune up on it so Dean had agreed to ride with him to the event. Before they knew it, much faster than they would probably have liked, they were there and Dean was pulling the door back on Charlie’s tent, ushering him inside first.

 

“Heyyyyy Cas… what are you doing h-” She cut off at mid-sentence when Dean stepped in behind him. He could practically see the gears shifting behind her eyes. And then the light bulb shattering as it came on. “OH MY FUCKING GOD!”

 

“Jeez Charlie, quiet the hell down.” Dean was standing next to him, almost sheepishly. He felt bad; this was the second time Dean was coming out to someone this weekend. But to be fair, he could guarantee that Charlie would be the easiest most accepting person he could probably come out to besides himself and Sam.

 

“But…but…it’s you isn’t it?  _ YOU’RE _ the mystery guy that Cas told me about!” Neither he nor Dean verbally responded but Dean, being overly dramatic about the whole situation, reached down and grabbed his hand. With the amount of screeching that Charlie did, he was surprised that nobody came in running.

 

It didn’t take long after that for the three of them to sit down and explain things. Charlie even told them about her own girlfriend, Dorothy, who Dean actually knew. She was a part of Moondoor and lived 30 minutes away in Topeka.

 

By the time Cas got home that afternoon, he was exhausted. He swore he had only just closed his eyes after flopping down onto his bed, but the vibration of his phone woke him to darkness in his room.

 

_ >> _ **_Dean:_ ** _ 2/3 times I have come out were so good that I think it spoiled me. I mean, Benny ended up being an ok situation too actually _

_ >> _ **_Cas:_ ** _ You have been extraordinarily lucky. My first coming out was to the schools gossip pages and yours were the only good words I received _

_ >> _ **_Dean:_ ** _ I’m sorry Angel, I wish that you had received more support on that end  _

_ >> _ **_Cas:_ ** _ It’s ok, honestly. Nobody on there actually knew it was me. Except maybe my brother. I think he knew it was me but didn’t want to put me on the spot to admit it. I should call him. _

_ >> _ **_Cas:_ ** _ Besides you, I have only told Charlie and you know how that went. Technically your brother knows too but I fortunately didn’t  _ actually _ have to tell him _

_ >> _ **_Cas:_ ** _ When’s his birthday? I am buying him the complete anthology of Sherlock Holmes _

_ >> _ **_Dean:_ ** _ 1) You should call your brother, if only just to see how he’s doing, and then you can test the waters on saying anything to him if you want. And 2) May 2 _ _ nd _ _ , I’ll go in for half with you. It can be our first joint couple’s gift. And he definitely needs to read something other than textbooks and assigned books. He already skipped 3 _ _ rd _ _ grade. At this rate he will be graduating next year _

_ >> _ **_Cas:_ ** _ Deal _

_ >> _ **_Cas:_ ** _ And your brother is too smart for his own good _

 

Cas went downstairs to heat up something for dinner. He tiptoed past the den to avoid his parents, but he couldn’t help but go over what Dean said about his brother. He should find out how he was doing. They had once been close to each other. They were only 14 months apart in age and since they both detested being around their parents, they had spent most of their time together growing up. But Cas could still pinpoint when things changed for them. When Gabe got his license he was never home anymore, and Cas felt like he had been abandoned. Granted, he was still coming to terms at that age that he liked men and that was such an overwhelming feeling at the time that every conversation with Gabe was stilted because he couldn’t bring himself to talk about the big gay elephant in the room.

 

Before he could overthink and change his mind he quickly sent off a text to his brother.

 

_ >> _ **_Cas:_ ** _ Hey Gabe, whenever you have a moment I would like to talk with you. _

 

Setting his phone aside back in his room, Cas got started on his spring break homework, trying to get a head start on it. They would be leaving for Kansas City day after tomorrow and he didn’t want to worry about it while there.

 

He had been lost in his homework for over an hour before his phone dinged at him signaling a new text.

 

_ >> _ **_Gabe:_ ** _ Sure thing Cassie, give me 5 and I’ll call _

 

His phone barely rang one time before he was picking up, “Hello Gabe.”

 

“Cassie!” It was strangely silent in the background of his call. Every call he had had with his brother since he went off to college was always noisy and full of people laughing in the background. “Color me surprised to receive your text lil bro, what’s going on?”

 

“Uh, are you available to talk? I mean, I’m not interrupting anything am I?”

 

“Nah, it’s cool. I was actually home tonight working on an essay due on Wednesday before they release us for our spring break.” Cas was quietly stunned. “I know, I know.  _ WHO _ knew that your brother actually did assignments and shit, right?” There was a tone to Gabe’s voice that Cas hadn’t heard in a long time. It sounded suspiciously like hurt.

 

“I’m sorry Gabe. I guess I had gotten use to you being a jokester that I didn’t stop to consider that you did make it into college so obviously you are doing your course work… and… and you know what? I’m an ass. This conversation is not going the way I wanted.”

 

“It’s ok Cas, really. We have both changed quite a bit over the last couple of years. I think both of us are no longer the person the other one thought they knew.”

 

“You’re right. It’s why I want to talk to you.”

 

“I figured, but go on.” Cas was on the verge of blurting the words out but his tongue felt heavy in his mouth, taking up the entire space and preventing him from continuing. ‘What if’ questions suddenly started plaguing him. “Cas, you still there?”

 

“Yeah… okay. Band aid ripping time… last Christmas when you were here, do you remember that post on our high school page?”

 

“Yeah of course I do… it’s the one you wrote. I’m not an idiot Cas, I knew you posted that. Angel of Thorsday isn’t real original in our house.”

 

“But- but… why did you come into my room laughing like an asshole and making fun of me then?!” He was outraged; how dare he?

 

“I-I…I’m sorry it came across that way. I didn’t mean for it to sound like I was making fun of you or something, I was trying to make light of it so you would talk to me!”

 

“Gabe,” he sighed, “All that did was make me not want to say anything to you about it.”

 

“What was I supposed to do? Come in and put you on the spot? You would have clammed up that way too!”

 

“You’re right, I would have. I totally would have and then would have denied everything.”

 

“I needed to let you know that I was okay with it. I don’t care, that’s why I mentioned my friend Bal.” There was silence at the other end of the line, long enough that Cas started to wonder then if Gabe had hung up on him. “So…” Gabe’s voiced cracked a little, “Am I the first you told? I mean, besides the anonymous post.”

 

“Well, first family member. But technically the first person I told that knows who I am is… well technically… my boyfriend.”

 

“WHAT? WHO?”

 

“Gabe, stop yelling, you’re gonna blow my phones speaker.” He sighed and rubbed a hand across his face. “Okay, so that post was answered by a guy at our school. At first I thought it had to be a joke but we kept emailing each other, anonymously. Long story short, he figured out who I was. So we agreed to meet. And then I figured out who he was on my way to meeting him. And well… the rest is kinda history.”

 

Gabe just laughed. “Honestly Cassie, that sounds like to plot to a cheesy Lifetime movie.” 

 

“It really does.”

 

“So who is he? Is he at least in the same grade as you?”

 

“Yes. You know him. Or well at least know of him. I don’t think you guys were ever friends or ever in the same group of friends soooo….”

 

“You’re stalling Cas, who is it?”

 

“You absolutely can’t say anything or tell anyone because he hasn’t come out to his parents yet. Just me, his brother and two close friends – which ironically are about the only people I have told as well.”

 

Gabe’s voice was completely serious when he answered, “I promise Cas. I won’t tell anyone.”

 

“Okay… it’s Dean Winchester.”

 

“HOLY FUCK CAS!”

 

“Seriously Gabe, volume, I can’t afford to replace my phone right now.”

 

“Cas… are you seriously telling me that you are dating the guy that is probably going to be your class’ prom king?”

 

“Um….yes?”

 

“What I wouldn’t give to be back at that school to see how it all ends up between now and graduation. This is like… I need to grab some popcorn and candy and kick back to watch the delicious drama unfold.”

 

“There is going to be no drama Gabe.”

 

“Yeah right.”

 

“Gabe,” he growled, “neither one of us are planning to come out to our parents or classmates until well after graduation. We are being cautious and keeping our heads down so we can just get the hell out of here in one piece”

 

“Okay, okay, I respect that. But be prepared in case shit happens.”

 

“I promise, I will.”

 

“And call me more often!”

 

“I promise, I will.” They said their goodbyes and hung up. Cas felt a thousand times lighter than he ever had before. Dean was right. Cas had now came out to a couple different people and he was becoming spoiled at how well they went. But he was certainly waiting for the other shoe to drop.


	16. Chapter 16

“Sweet hotel choice Cas.” Dean was pleasantly surprised with how well this day had been going. Not like he expected a day with Cas driving to Kansas City and playing tourists would be a bad idea. No, it was more like how comfortably that they surprisingly fit together. Conversation flowed easily as they explored the town a bit. But Dean had to do whatever he could to break the awkward tension between them as they had just checked into their hotel room.

 

The hotel room that they were going to share. 

 

For two nights. 

 

Alone.

 

With one giant king bed.

 

He was nervous; of course he was. Who wouldn’t be, in his shoes? Here he was, standing in a hotel room with his boyfriend - of only a few short days - looking at an incredibly intimidating bed and wondering if it was too soon to go put it to good use, but also being absolutely terrified to make that next step.

 

Dean had gotten pretty lucky last night. His whole family decided to go to dinner over at his pseudo-uncle’s house, but since Dean was leaving the next day for Kansas City, he managed to convince his parents that he had to stay home alone; he had “homework” to do and packing to finish. They fell for it hook, line, and sinker. And Dean had done his homework all right, but not school work. He locked his bedroom door, put his phone on ‘do not disturb’, shut his curtains tightly – and then broke out the lube. He was going to experiment a bit to find out exactly what he liked but was always too afraid to actually see about. And after the fastest orgasm Dean had ever had on his own, at least since the first time he discovered what he could actually do with his own cock, he knew that he absolutely could not wait to see Cas again. He made sure to pack the lube and condoms for the weekend. 

 

Cas had sat on the edge of the bed while he quietly surveyed the dimly lit room. The sun was setting and the orange and red light cast the room into an almost suggestive setting. He had a small smile on his face, one that lit his features as soon as they had arrived in the city. Dean imagined that Cas probably felt the same why as he did. The anonymity of the city, knowing absolutely nobody but each other, the secrecy of it all – it was a heady feeling. 

Several seconds later found Dean crashing his lips into Cas’, quickly laying him back on the bed as he climbed into his lap. Nervous or not, Dean was ready to move things forward and only hoped that Cas was too.

__

 

Cas was sure that the people three floors down could probably hear his heart beating out of his chest. From the second that they stepped foot in this hotel he was sure he had a giant sign over his head saying, “about to fuck my boyfriend”. He was nervous but not at the same time. Was there a word for that? Anxious perhaps. Excited for sure. Definitely horny as hell. He wasn’t too proud to admit that he was afraid he wouldn’t be so great in bed, but they had two days (and nights) uninterrupted together that they could use to their advantage to try and perfect the act.

 

Somewhere between Dean crawling into his lap and now, they had managed to lose all of their clothes, and in the dimly lit room, Cas was enjoying the view of Deans long, lean form pressed against his. They were laying side by side, arms entwined, mouths exploring each other’s. Dean’s leg was thrown up over his hip, cocks blessedly rubbing against each other and they desperately rocked together. When Dean suddenly pulled back and hopped from the bed, Cas thought he had done something wrong, right up until Dean returned, bottle of lube and condoms in hand. He dropped the items between them as he laid himself right up against Cas again and resumed his kissing.

 

“How – um, how do you… what do you…?” Cas felt his face reddening as he tried to get the words out between Dean’s persistent kisses. 

 

“Man, like before- I am down to do anything and everything you are willing to do, however you want to do it. I am game. And if you change your mind, say the word. No worries Cas.”

 

“I don’t know what, um, what way I like… do you know what you…?”

 

Dean laughed gently, his lips against his collarbone, nibbling lightly as his hand rubbed down Cas’ side. “Are you trying to ask me if I would like to top or bottom Cas?”

 

With a moan Cas answered “Yes,” as Dean’s hand came down to grip his dick firmly in hand. 

 

“You see Cas,” he punctuated each word with a quick flick of his wrist on each up stroke, “I am, like, 100% positive that I am going to like sex with you in any which position you would like to do it. However…” He stopped his ministrations and pulled back to look Cas in the eyes, “after last time in the backseat, man, you did something I hadn’t thought to explore. But then I did explore – and I am not gonna lie Cas,” Dean leaned forward to take his earlobe between his teeth, nibbling gently before whispering against Cas ear, “I have thought of nothing else than getting this cock in me ever since.”

 

Cas whimpered loudly, hips surging forward, quickly pushing and rolling Dean over on to his back as his lips attacked Dean’s, tongue teasing and desperate. The overwhelming surge of arousal at Dean’s words had Cas buoyed with unexpected confidence. As if this was a common occurrence – something Cas had done a million times – he had slicked his fingers with lube and was gently easing one into Dean, slowly. He had done his fair share of research too. He wanted this trip to go off without a hitch and the best way to do that was to be prepared for any instances.

 

“Oh god Cas.” He had added his other hand to the mix, slowly jacking him to distract from the intrusion. To be honest, the sounds Dean was making would have easily set Cas off before he would get a chance to get in him if he had even a hint of friction on his own cock. But Cas took his time - slowly and deliberately stretching Dean out with one finger, and then two, scissoring while he distracted him by nipping, sucking, licking and kissing every inch of him that he could reach. The quiet room was filled with, ragged breathing from both of them, moans and whimpers punctuated each new sensual movement.

 

It was while Cas was rolling on a condom, slicking himself up with more lube, that he realized that this was actually happening. Not a fantasy or dream – but real life. Hitching Dean’s leg on his hip to give him better access, he paused and leaned forward, quickly kissing Dean soft and quick. “Are you absolutely positive?”

 

With a laugh Dean hooked his leg tighter around Cas’ hip, and pulled him forward. “Fuck yes.” Several agonizingly slow moments later Cas was fully seated, pausing for Dean to catch his breath and let him know when to continue. He honestly had to pause for his own good too. If he was to move at all in this second, he would lose it. So he carefully leaned forward, bringing his mouth back to Dean’s, swallowing the moan that ripped out of Dean at the minute change of angle.

 

Dean’s hands on his hips urged him to move. It was a little awkward at first, trying to find the right position that would allow him to move right, and then Dean started grinding his hips up into him too – so finding the rhythm at first was difficult. Cas was leaning over Dean, mouthing at his neck while Dean, hands on Cas’ hips, urged him forward. Dean moaned at every thrust Cas did, mouth right against Cas’ ear, his hot breath sending shivers down his spine. 

 

Once they found that motion, the rocking that sent tingles down their spines and stole the breath from their lungs as they cried out in ecstasy – well, it didn’t last too much longer after that. Dean had barely managed to grab his own cock and pump it a few times before a wave of pleasure rolled over him – he gasped incoherently but loudly, as he came all over his own stomach.  Cas himself only managed a few more erratic thrusts, frantically trying to savor the feeling of being inside of Dean, before a white-hot surge of pleasure sparked through him, causing him to fall over the precipice, shuddering hard and falling forward, immediately exhausted.

\---

Hours later when they got back to their room after enjoying an intimate dinner at a local LGBT friendly restaurant – Dean took his time in returning the favor. Slowly and dedicatedly opening Cas up while giving attention to his cock. They both silently were thankfully for the fact that they were alone, with quick refractory periods and a whole night undisturbed ahead of them. The both planned to try everything they could at least once.

 

They didn’t fall asleep until the sun started to rise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I only have a few more chapters left to post that are all written/beta'd already so posting may slow down a bit soon. I am continuously writing and trying to stay ahead of posting though. Just FYI. Thanks for continuing to read! :)


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are going to start getting heavy. Homophobic behavior, slurs, etc etc. I don't think like I write, just FYI. I am gay myself, and writing a gay story obviously, soooo....heads up. This chapter is the kick off for some bullshit conduct. But all in all I prefer to write HEA/ "this aint how the world actually is but wouldn't it be nice" type stories so yeahhh

Spring break ended in a rush of emotions and far quicker than either boy wanted it too. They ended up not even leaving their hotel room that following day and night of their visit to Kansas City. They were too wrapped into each other to bother with pretending to even want to be tourists of the city. There would be a time for that in the future.

 

Returning home had been a challenge. Both decided to go by the college campus on the way out of town in order to pick up some literature that they could show their families – make the fib look legitimate. But once Dean got home, he had to lie through his teeth about all the fun things he and “Benny” went and saw, including the school. The lying made him feel really uncomfortable. His mom seemed so happy that he went to the campus, even though he had already decided on California, but she was just ecstatic that he was interested in continuing his education no matter what.

 

His dad? Well, his dad happened to point out the hickey peeking through the collar of his shirt, zeroing in on that. He didn’t even realize this one would be visible. He had pulled his flannel up close to his neck, hunching his shoulders bit to hide it from the second he walked in. But of course, nothing got past John Winchester. So the dirtiest lie Dean told about the whole trip was that him and Benny had met some girls on campus. It felt like ash in his mouth as he said the words. He wanted nothing more than to smack the smirk of his father’s face by telling him that, no it wasn’t a girl that had put that mark there, or any of the other marks secretly hidden on his body - it was his boyfriend. But him and Cas had both decided to keep their relationship quiet and under wraps until after graduation if they could help it.

 

And for the month following Spring Break – that’s exactly what they did. Sam became a life saver during that time. He was the social bridge between Dean and Cas, the one that could bring both together without a bunch of raised eyebrows and digging questions. It was no longer a weird sight to find Dean at their library table, studying after school. He even joined them for lunch now too. It became so common place that it was like he had always been there. 

 

He got a bit of mocking from his teammates, but they soon dropped it when he didn’t bite back. Dean realized after a solid week spent with Cas, Charlie, Kevin, and even Hannah, that he had been wrong to think that his teammates where his best friends. He really should have not gone with the flow so much and instead found his own two feet. He would like to blame his dad. He was the one that forced him into football, and while he liked playing, he could have easily not played as well. He thoroughly enjoyed getting into debates with Kevin and Charlie about video games, books, movies and such. Sometimes he would say something just to goad Cas into joining in – those were the best days. 

 

He honestly didn’t miss his other “friends”. Short of Benny. He had received a text from Benny basically calling him out when Dean no longer spent time at school with him. 

 

**_> >Benny:_ ** _ So, which one is it? _

**_> >Dean:_ ** _ Hello to you too. Which one is what? _

**_> >Benny:_ ** _ Which one are you hung up on? _

**_> >Dean:_ ** _ What? _

**_> >Benny:_ ** _ Man, don’t play coy with me. You ditched out of Zach’s party invite this last weekend and ever since Spring Break you have been damn near completely MIA from the guys. Suddenly you’re all about studying? Please. Which one is it? _

 

Dean had a moment of panic. He didn’t think they were that obvious. They, more often than not, did not sit next to each other at lunch or when studying. Charlie and Sam were their “barriers”, both were asked from the start to help them make sure that they wouldn’t accidentally out themselves. So they spent the nights texting. And Sunday mornings they both managed to get out of church by always having “too much homework” to do, so they were able to sneak off and get lost with each other in Clinton State Park, hiking one of the many trails just to have some alone time. There had also been several repeat performances of making out in the back of the Impala down at the boat launch and other empty desolate roads. Even a couple memorable moments where they got to try out some rather restricting positions to try and have sex again. They always managed to find a way. 

 

But apparently Benny had noticed that Dean had changed and was acting different. His interest in one of the members of his new group of friends was evident enough to his oldest friend. A quick conversation with Cas and it was agreed that it would be ok to tell Benny the truth about their relationship. He already knew Dean liked men too, just now he would know which one in particular.

 

**_> >Dean:_ ** _ You sure you want to know? _

**_> >Benny:_ ** _ So one of the guys then. Kevin or Cas? _

**_> >Benny:_ ** _ No, you know what? Kevin and his family go to my church, I have met his momma, there’s no way it’s him. _

**_> >Dean:_ ** _ Seems like you have it all figured out then _

 

The next day Benny joined the table to study too. His open nature and big laughter was easily accepted. He didn’t join them every day, but it was nice to have his support. He knew about Dean and Cas, making him, Sam, Charlie and Gabriel the only ones in the know. And it worked nicely like that. Until the middle of May. They were one week from prom and three weeks from graduation – the home stretch, and then shit hit the fan.

 

It was Sunday night. Dean had spent the afternoon with Cas in the back of the Impala down and old dirt road. But, Dean had told his family that he was giving Benny a ride over to the mall to get his suit for prom that weekend. Benny was constantly becoming his scapegoat, whether he knew it or not. With finals just around the corner, Dean was actually up in his room that night, working on finishing off some homework.

 

The front door downstairs slammed so hard that his bedroom windows rattled.

 

“DEAN!” The blood flowing through his veins turned to ice. He had only heard that tone in his dad’s voice once before. When he had first gotten his license and accidentally backed into a light pole at the high school damaging the Impala. But this sounded more severe than before. This sounded like his worst fears coming true.

 

When Dean got downstairs, he found his mom standing in the doorway of the kitchen, wringing a towel in her hands. Sam had snuck down the stairs behind him, stopping half way down and sitting on the stairs to listen. He had a fearful look in his eyes as he looked at Dean. Squaring his shoulders he turned towards his dad, who was pacing the living room, obviously infuriated. 

 

He rounded on Dean, voice low and menacing his he spoke, “You had the car today?”

 

“I did.” Dean thought his voice sounded a little shaky.

 

“And did you by chance happen to drive down pass Old Willard’s farm?” Shit. Of course he did. Old Willard’s farm was the last house in the middle of nowhere where a lot of high schoolers drove out past to have a rendezvous on one of the old abandoned roads. Old man Willard was in his late 80s and damn near blind. He lived alone and never left his house, so it was usually a safe bet to hit the old farming roads down that way. People at the school had been doing that for nearly ten years. “You see, I just got a call from Willard. Strangest story…” He stepped forward, putting himself only a few feet away from Dean, making himself stand tall and intimidating. Dean could hear his mom behind him take a step back. “Willard’s son is there visiting right now and what did they happen to see today? My son, driving out to the notorious sex roads in my car.”

 

Dean just nodded his head as John continued, “Which, you know, I normally wouldn’t have a problem with. You’re 18, as long you don’t make me a young grandpa, I don’t care.” Shaking his head, he looked down, clenching his fist. “What I do care about is that Willard’s son said the he saw two men in my Impala flying down their roads out there. And I thought to myself, no way was my son the faggot that they saw out on their roads.”

 

There was a gasp behind him, his mother clearly reacting to the language he was using. And Sam was abruptly standing on the stairs, grabbing the handrail tightly in his hand, glaring daggers at their dad.

 

Dean took a deep breath. He glanced over at Sam, trying to convey with his eyes to not say anything. He would handle this. Turning back to his dad, he was decided. “And if it was?”

 

He had never heard his dad growl like that before. He narrowed his eyes and for a second it almost looked like he was a human wolf hybrid about to attack. “You. Are. Not. A. Fucking. Gay.” Each word was punctuated with John pointing his finger in his face threateningly. 

 

Dean couldn’t help but laugh. “Technically – I am fucking a gay.” This was that moment, the one he had told Cas that he secretly wanted to do. He wanted to see his dad’s face when he told him he was bi, and he practically just said the words, kind of. And the look on his face was weird. His dad’s face was flushed with anger, his mouth was hanging open and doing a good impression of a fish as he tried to work his mouth to say something, but no words were forthcoming.

 

“Dean,” His mom’s voice was somber behind him. “Now is not the time for joking.”

 

He turned to her, quickly taking a step on the stairs so his back was to Sam and not his dad. “Who says I’m joking?”

 

It was so silent in the house, it was scary. He could hear the cars on the road down the street. Their neighbors’ garage door just opened. There was a dog barking somewhere. But the four of them just stood there, in nerve-wracking stillness.

 

“Benny? I should call his parents right now. I am sure they would be interested in…”

 

Dean cut him off. “Not Benny – he’s a straight as they come. And he has no idea that I have been using him as a scapegoat. It’s someone else, but you don’t get to know who – not like this.” 

 

“So some nasty-ass cocksucker.” Every word hit Dean as if it were almost physical blows. He knew it wouldn’t be the last time he would hear words like these – but it was probably going to be the most painful time he ever would.

 

With his head held high, he said three little words that would seal his fate. “No, my boyfriend.” 

 

“That kind of lifestyle is not acceptable in this house.” His dad’s voice was deadly quiet. It felt like each word was cutting into his skin with hatred woven in it.

 

“Dad-” Sam’s voice cut in, pleading evident in it. But Sam didn’t get more than one word in.

 

“No. I will not have a fucking disgusting homo under my roof.”

 

“Really?” Dean sounded much firmer than he felt. “Because you have had one here for years now, you just didn’t know it.”

 

“Get. Out.”

 

“What?” This was said in unison by Dean, Sam and their mom - disbelief clear. 

 

“You have until tomorrow after school to get your shit and get out. I will not have a faggot for a son under my roof.”

 

Dean fled upstairs, slamming and locking his door behind him before he could hear anymore. There was muffled yelling downstairs as he collapsed down on his bed, the false bravado quickly leaving him as nothing but a pile of tears. He heard Sam’s deadened, “I hate you,” and the stomp of his feet up the stairs, where he slammed his door shut; it shook the windows as well.

 

**_> >Sam:_ ** _ I am so sorry Dean _

**_> >Dean:_ ** _ It is not your fault, it’s mine. _

 

Dean quickly pulled up a text to Cas, but as he started to write to him about what happened, he had to stop. He knew that Cas would blame himself, try to take all the weight of this onto his own shoulders. He couldn’t do that to him until he knew what he would do. Instead, he put in a call to Benny.

 

After a quick summary of what happened, Benny offered no solution. “I’m sorry bother, but I can’t help you. My folks would never allow you to move in. There’s only a month of school left and they would think you were a distraction living here. And… well, I’m sorry, but if they ever found out why you were kicked out, well…. they would react like your dad. They didn’t like it when my aunt came out; they never really talk to her anymore.”

 

“No, I get it. I’m sorry; I just don’t know where he expects me to go. Like you said, there’s only a month left. I don’t even have my own car to sleep in.”

 

“Could you stay with your… um, Cas?”

 

“Oh no, no, no. His parents are more religious and strict than mine. They would never allow it. They would probably kick him out the second that they learned as well.”

 

“Well what about Kevin? Or Charlie? Someone else in your group of friends? I do not recommend going to the team with this.”

 

“No, but, that’s an idea. Thanks Benny. I think I know who I am going to call.”

 

When Dean hung up, he could still hear his parents arguing downstairs. It was inaudible, so he had no idea if they were arguing with each other or both so upset about him that their conversation was just carrying an angry tone.

 

**_> >Dean:_ ** _ Hey…um…can you talk? _

 

His phone rang not even a minute later. “Hey Dean! What’s up?” Charlie sounded like he had woke her up. He glanced at the clock. 10 pm on a Sunday night, maybe he did. Having to explain the situation for a second time that night was just as difficult as the first. He choked up and tried not to cry again but Charlie was very good at listening and not butting in until the end. “So, you need a place to crash now don’t you?”

 

“Yes.” His voice sounded broken even to his own ears.

 

“Give me a few minutes – I’ll call you back.” Dean dejectedly hung up the phone. He was pretty sure he was going to be homeless in the matter of 24 hours. Unless his mom came to bat for him. Doubtful. It was obvious Sam tried, and failed, too. Getting up, he decided to try and put his best foot forward. Grabbing his football bag, backpack and a suitcase out of his closet – he decided to start packing. It’s amazing, when knowing that you have to leave and you definitely can’t take everything in your room with you, sure puts things into perspective. Within 20 minutes he had managed to pack the clothes that still fit and he would wear, his toiletries, his computer, a photo album of pictures from his childhood, yearbooks, and the few vinyl records that he had received as gifts over the years, with a few other trinkets. Dean slumped into his desk chair. 18 years of his life and he managed to fit all of it into a handful of bags. 

 

He almost dropped his phone when it rang in his hand. He didn’t know how long he had been sitting there staring at the wall. It was almost midnight, so he figured it had been a bit. “Hey Charlie…”

 

“Dean, okay, great news – Mom said you can crash in the spare room until you go off for college.” Dean’s heart jumped. He had a place to stay! “On one condition…” Just like that, his stomach dropped.

 

“Ok, Charlie, what is it?” He braced himself for the worst. 

 

“Mom would like help with things around the house that she can’t fix on her own. She has a whole list of shit, she calls it her “honey-do list”. It’s all the things she would have made my dad do to help out if he was still around, but things we can’t afford to hire someone for.” Dean couldn’t help but laugh in happiness. “What? You know, things like help hang a few shelves, fix the garage door and the tree out back desperately needs to be limbed up. She was even talking about painting the living room finally.”

 

“Charlie, Charlie-” Dean tried to interrupt her. “Charlie, seriously, I will do everything on that list for your mom, and whatever else she might want to add. Seriously, I…. I can’t fucking thank you guys enough. Truly, I don’t know where I would be without you.”

 

“I’m glad you called Dean. I am so glad I could help you like this.”

 

“You have no idea.”

 

“Do, well, do you want to come tomorrow? Or… well, I could come now and get you? I don’t know how much you wanna still stay there given everything.”

 

“Honestly? If you can come now, I am packed and ready as I'll ever be.”

 

“Be there in 15…” She hung up and Dean decided now was the time to go talk to Sam.

 

Knocking on his door, he was halfway expecting for him to be asleep, but Sam answered the door, red face and had obviously been crying. He looked like he was seven again, dejected, and younger than he looked. “Dean?”

 

“Can I come in real quick?” Stepping aside, he let him in, shutting the door quickly and quietly behind him.

 

“Dean… I tried, but he is being such an asshole and…”

 

“No, don’t Sam, it’s ok. I knew, you knew, this was always going to happen. It’s just ahead of schedule is all. I found a place to stay. Charlie’s mom is going to let me crash there. Help her work on her house as payment for room and board. So we will still see each other at school.”

 

“That, um, that actually makes me feel way better about this.”

 

“Me too. I got extremely lucky with a friend like Charlie.”

 

“When are you leaving?”

 

“Now? As soon as Charlie gets here. I packed all the stuff I absolutely need and can’t live without.” He found himself suddenly engulfed in Sam’s arms, hugging so tightly that Dean was sure he would still feel it tomorrow. “Hey, hey, Sam, stop crying, man. We’ll see each other tomorrow at school, its okay.”

 

“It is  _ not _ okay.” His voice was muffled behind his hands as he pulled away and tried to wipe away the tears. “Nothing about this is ok. Dad is an asshole. No parent who ever says anything like, ‘I don’t care if we’re having a boy or a girl, as long as they’re healthy’ should be able to turn around 18 years later and kick their kids out because they happen to love someone of the same gender. It’s fucking bullshit.”

 

“I know Sam.” He leaned against the door, thinking heavily on what Sam said. It was utter bullshit, but there was not much he could do in this situation. He was an adult, and his dad was a dick.

 

“Mom was half arguing for you.”

 

“Half?”

 

“She’s scared, I can tell. But she didn’t agree or disagree with your coming out downstairs. She yelled at him about kicking you out though.”

 

“Yeah… well… it is what it is.” His phone vibrated in his pocket – a text from Charlie letting him know that she was out front. “She’s here.”

 

“I’ll help you.” With Sam’s help, the two of them carried Dean’s several bags and couple pillows downstairs all in one trip. Neither of their parents were to be seen. Looking out front though, the Impala was gone. Dad had probably taken off for Bobby’s, and his mom was probably upstairs hiding and crying. Really, Dean didn’t want to see either of them in this moment.

 

After loading up the trunk of Charlie’s car, and a prolonged teary goodbye with Sam, suddenly Dean was driving away from the house. The house he grew up in. And the house he would probably never set foot in again. He swiped at the tear rolling down his cheek. 

 

Charlie was quiet, which was exactly what Dean needed in that moment to process everything. A few blocks after leaving Dean finally pulled out his cell to update Cas on what happened. It was so late, he couldn’t even guarantee that he was awake but he had to tell him this now instead of first thing in the morning.

 

Thankfully he picked up. “Dean…?” He was groggy, definitely had been asleep.

 

“Hey Angel… um, some shit has gone down tonight and I have to tell you what happened.”

 

“Dean, what is going on?” He went from tired to completely alert in one sentence.

 

“Long story short – Old Man Willard ratted us out to my dad. I was forced to tell him about us. Well, about me. I left you out of it, so he doesn’t know who you are. And well, he kicked me out.”

 

“WHAT? Oh my god, Dean where are you? Are you okay?”

 

“Calm down, I promise I am okay. He didn’t lay a hand on me. But right now I am in Charlie’s car. Her mom is the sweetest person in the world,” He could hear Charlie snort and hold in a laugh; “She is letting me stay there. I just have to help with some household projects – which I am perfectly fine with. I will do anything for her since I would be homeless without her generosity.” He heard a sniffling on the other side of the phone. “Hey now, stop that. I am okay, all things considered. We will be okay. Things are just happening like three months before I planned. We will make it through this.”

 

“You’re right. I’m sorry I couldn’t offer my place as a refuge. That wouldn’t fly with my folks.”

 

“No, I know, that’s okay.” Charlie pulled her car up in front of a nice one story little house. His new home for the next couple months. “Look, were at Charlie’s now, so I am going to let you go. It’s been a long ass night and I am exhausted. I’ll see you tomorrow okay?”

 

Minutes later, Dean was face first on an unfamiliar full bed in a sparsely decorated room. Charlie’s mom wasn’t still awake – Dean would have liked to thank her first thing – but there was always tomorrow. But Charlie had helped him unload his things into his new room, before she said, “I’ll wake you at 6:30 for school. I’m drained. Peace out.” She threw up a Vulcan salute before she disappeared into the room next door.

 

No matter what the next day, week or coming months would bring – Dean felt for the first time in a really long time – that he was finally himself. His parents knew the truth, accepting or not. His close friends knew the truth, completely accepting. And the next step would be to be confidently open to the rest of the world. Confidently or not, he feared that that step would happen sooner than he would like as well.


	18. Chapter 18

Dean didn’t go to school the next day. He was now officially an “adultier adult” by not living at home anymore, and his first act of defiance was to say ‘fuck it’, and skip like the high school teenager it still was.

 

It helped that Charlie, Cas and Sam skipped as well. Charlie’s mom, who insisted on only being called Ms. Bradbury, was the epitome of “the cool mom”. She was pretty relaxed about rules in the house. As long as you still did your homework, and the couple daily chores she asked, she didn’t care what you did as long as you didn’t get in trouble with the law. Her two hard-line rules were no alcohol and no drugs. Dean tried to sit down with her and thank her for her generosity in letting him stay there, but she just patted him on the cheek and then left for work. Dean could definitely see where Charlie got her sometimes-strange personality from.

 

In light of the pure shit show that had happened the night before, Dean told Charlie that morning that he was just going to zone out on the couch and marathon something on Netflix for the day. He got no more than 15 minutes into Stranger Things before the doorbell rang. Apparently Charlie had called up Cas, who picked up Sam, and did a quick trip to the grocery store for snacks before coming over.

 

“Hey Dean.” Sam dumped the bags he was carrying on to the coffee table, pulling out bags of chips and cookies, and fortunately, a pie as well.

 

“How, um, how were… how were they this morning?” Dean wasn’t sure he really wanted to know. Cas sat down next to Dean, lacing his fingers with his, being his quiet support. Charlie was in the kitchen putting drinks in the fridge when Sam finally answered.

 

“Dad didn’t come home last night. I don’t know where he is.” That… that was kind of expected, actually. When things got too difficult, John was always the kind to run off. Hopefully he was just over at Bobby’s sleeping off a hangover. “But Mom asked me to let you know that she’s sorry and that she would like to see you to talk about things. She didn’t know that you left last night. I guess that hit her pretty hard.” Sam flopped down in the chair adjacent to the couch. “She went into your room this morning to talk to you and once she figured out that you had left, she broke down.”

 

“Yeah. Well…” Dean didn’t know what to say. On one hand, he was angry at his mom for not standing up for him, but he also knew how scary his dad could be sometimes and last night even Dean was afraid of what he would say or do. But, on the other hand, it twisted a knife in his gut that he hurt his mom by leaving without saying goodbye. He honestly didn’t know if he would call her or not.

 

Charlie joined them then, dragging what seemed to be damn near every blanket in the house behind her. Pushing aside the coffee table, she laid out the blankets, making a comfy spot for her to lay down. Sam joined her, laying on the their stomachs, bag of chips between them while Dean restarted the show from the beginning.

 

Dean laid down, pulling Cas to lay half on him and on the couch next to his side. This was nice. They had not had the chance before now to casually just hang out together with their friends. Every time that they had been able to steal time away with each other away from school was always secretive. Nobody knew except some of their closest friends, and they never actually got to see them act like an actual couple.

 

So, they laughed and joked together. Ate junk food and talked about the show, movies they all liked, places they wanted to travel in the future. Meanwhile, Dean and Cas were always touching somehow, hands entwined, arms around each other, head on the shoulder. They stole kisses in between stretches of the show they were watching – Sam made sure to make kissy faces and joke about being grossed out, even though he wasn’t, it was just fun to be teased as if they were just any teenage couple not desperately trying to cope with the emotional drama of the night before.

 

The happy bubbly feeling inside him at that moment made him want to take Cas to prom that weekend, just because of how much he loved him. He did, he loved him so much, but he had yet to say the words. And he had no desire to actually go to prom, but he wondered what it would have been like to get all dressed up and dance with him under the cheesy decorations in their gym.  

 

__

 

It was anticlimactic going back to school that week. Dean’s whole world had shifted and turned on its side, but the world around them just kept on spinning like nothing had changed. In the grand scheme of things, if any of his classmates noticed a difference, it was only that now Dean rode to school with Charlie instead of driving the Impala. He was already hanging out with his new group of friends, so it only felt like a drastic change to Dean. And Sam. 

 

Sam was obviously not handling things as well as he projected. By Thursday Sam had confessed to Dean that things were weird at home. Sam had told him that their dad had still yet to come home, so Sam hadn’t seen him since the night of the blow up. And their mom was an almost completely changed person than who she had been prior to Sunday night. Suddenly, Sam said, she was happier, more involved with what Sam was doing and cooking meals he had never seen her cook before – including making a pie, every day, as if to tempt Dean home.

 

Dean noticed a difference too, even not being at home. Whereas before his mom was more quiet, withdrawn, Stepford housewife who only took a mild interest in what he was doing outside of school – now every day, Dean received several texts from his mom, not a single one asking about school, but himself instead which was so different from the norm.

 

**_> >Mom:_ ** _ I wanted to say I am sorry and I love you, more than anything _

**_> >Mom: _ ** _ I hope you are doing okay. Sam said you are staying with a friend. I am ever so grateful to them, please let me know what I can do to help. Anything, you name it. _

**_> >Mom:_ ** _ I also wanted to let you know I don’t think like your father _

**_> >Mom:_ ** _ You are welcome home whenever you want to come home, if you want to come home. I do not blame you if you don’t want to.  _

**_> >Mom: _ ** _ I miss you _

**_> >Mom:_ ** _ I decided to go back to work; I have an interview on Friday _

**_> >Mom: _ ** _ I would love to sit down and talk to you sweetie. I understand if you don’t want to, or are not ready too, but please know that I will not react like your dad. I love you, unconditionally. I would love to know more about this guy that has captured your heart; he must be amazing like you.  _

**_> >Mom: _ ** _ You are the bravest son any mom could ask for. I don’t want to pester you with my texts, please just know I am here and I will not let John bully you like that again. _

 

He had still yet to write her back. He didn’t know what to say. He wanted to believe her but he wasn’t sure if he could. He decided that on Saturday he'd go home and talk to her, see how things went from there. He wasn’t holding his breath, but on this, he wanted to be proven wrong. He still had so much hurt and anger flowing through him. Thankfully with everything going on, his dad did not once try to contact him. Though, he did get one text from his “uncle” Bobby on Friday. 

 

**_> >Bobby:_ ** _ Your father is an idjit – he is no longer welcome here. _

 

After receiving Bobby’s text, he felt a little more confident about things. He had always felt like a second father to him, a pseudo-uncle even though he wasn’t related in any such way. He owned a salvage junk yard on the outskirts of town. They had met him one day while trying to find a part for the Impala about 15 years ago and he had been a part of the family since. And if this beer drinking, gun toting, man’s man seemed okay with Dean’s choice of partner, then perhaps he could trust his mom enough to actually sit down and have a conversation.

 

That night he texted his mom and told her he would be over on Saturday to talk. With that decided - he pulled up his email, and for the first time in well over a month – he chose to send his Angel an email. 

 

**_To:_ ** _ AngelofThorsday _

**_From:_ ** _ RamblinMan67 _

**_Subject:_ ** _ So Much _

_ Dear Cas, _

_ Surprise! I wonder if I emailed this email address if it would still be active since we haven’t emailed like this since we decided to “meet”. Well, I am hoping you check this now. After everything that has gone on this week, I wanted to get back to our roots. It’s because of these emails that things have come to pass this week and I know I haven’t thanked you enough. I have no regrets Cas. I want you to know that a thousand times over – no regrets whatsoever. You mean the world to me and I wouldn’t trade anything that’s happened between us. You gave me the confidence to be ME and finally stand up to my bully of my dad. It’s because of you that I have an actual dialogue started with my mother. Finally. I am going to go over there tomorrow to talk to her, see how things go. And, assuming they all go well, I would like to introduce you guys to each other (Big step I know! Meeting the folks, well, my mom at least, I wouldn’t subject you to John). But I want my mom to meet the man I love. _

_ I love you Cas. So fucking much. And I wanted to write and tell you this way, as clichéd as it may sound, because this is where we started and I am trying to be romantic – like I said, back to our roots.  _

_ There is no pressure. If you are not ready to meet my mom, that is absolutely ok. I have no problem waiting. I love you and want you to be comfortable with whatever outing you want to do.  _

_ Love, _

_ Your Dean _


	19. Chapter 19

Dean was surprised at how well his conversation was going with his mom. From the start, Sam was sitting with them. His mom was crying more than talking, but majority of the conversation was “I’m sorrys” from both of them. It was when his mom dropped the bombshell news that the conversation changed entirely.

 

“So.” Dean, his mom and Sam were all sitting around the kitchen table, half eaten apple pie in the middle of the table, cups of coffee and tea in their respective hands. “Your father, well that night, what he said and how he acted opened my eyes to a side of him I didn’t think was so harsh.”

 

Dean couldn’t help by snort, “Really Mom? Because we have all been here and heard him rant after same-sex marriage was legalized, among many other things, you had to have known.”

 

“I know,” she sighed, loudly. “I was blind. I’m not going to lie to you boys, I knew he had serious right-wing leanings. But he has gotten so much worse of the years. You have to know, when we got together, he was so carefree. Politics – it just wasn’t as big a deal, or, not as widely spoken about. We were all rather ignorant – living in a bubble. I tried, am still trying, to learn and expand my understanding of things. But I think...I know – his buddies at work were a big influence on him. And I know I was too afraid to stand up to him.”

 

“Mom,” Sam whispered.

 

“No, no. I should have done the right thing instead of being complacent with you boys.” She turned and looked directly at Dean, reaching forward and grabbing his hand. “I was petrified for so long that you guys would turn out like him. I knew Sam was starting to lean more like I thought, even though I never really said something - your dad was good at silencing me without ever having to say anything. But, you were so closed off and I was so scared that you were turning out like John. I felt like I failed you and nothing I could say would sway you. And then Sunday night happened, and I thought you were kidding at first because I was honestly afraid to hope.” She took a deep breath and quickly wiped away her tears. “I want you to know - I truly do not think the same way as your father. I support you and will love you no matter what. I don’t care if you are gay. I want you to be happy. More than  _ anything _ .”

 

“Actually… I’m technically bisexual.” Dean mumbled, suddenly embarrassed. Who really wants to discuss their sex life with their parents? Straight people don't have to have this conversation, honestly, it wasn't fair.

 

“Oh!” Mary just smiled. “Well that’s ok too. That just means you have a big heart and there are more people to share it with.” He had to get up and engulf his mom in a hug. This, this was exactly the best case scenario that he never hoped for.

 

After a round of shared tears, tissues and hugs – the three of them settled back down at the table. “That’s why I wanted to talk to you, to both of you-” Mary squared her shoulders and seemed to gain some composure with her next words. “So, I am sure you have both noticed that John has not been around much?” The both nodded, so she continued, “That’s because I told him to leave.” There was stunned silence. “I can no longer sit idly by and let him dictate and rule my life or yours. I told him that he had no right kicking out one of my sons and that I did not love him anymore. I am filing for divorce on Monday.”

 

She seemed to collapse back in the chair once the words were finally out of her. Sam was up out of the chair and hugging her before Dean even fully grasped the meaning the words.

 

“You… um – Did I break up your marriage?”

 

“Oh honey, no, no! Please do not think that. His actions on Sunday were the catalyst for this. Not you, never you.”

 

“Okay. I believe you. Well, I’m trying to believe you. This is all… so much to take in.”

 

“So does that mean you’re moving home?” Sam sounded like a little kid again; giddy just to have his older brother around.

 

“I…” He paused.

 

“I would love it if you did, but I understand if you do want to. It’s your choice Dean. I will never take away your will to do what you would like for my sake.” Her voice was quiet but her words sounded sure. 

 

“I will make you deal…” he hedged. “If you are willing to meet my boyfriend, and if that goes well – I’ll consider moving back in.”

 

There were entirely too many tears today for Dean’s liking. But these seemed like happy tears at least when his mom nodded yes. “I would like to meet your young man, very much. Yes, please. I will agree to that deal.”

 

“Would tomorrow be too soon?”

 

“I could make a pot roast, he could come for dinner?”

 

Dean got up and hugged his mom, again. He was grateful that she actually seemed happy and interested. “I’ll bring Cas home for dinner then.”

 

“Well that’s a unique name. Is Cas short for something?”

 

“Yeah, his name is actually Castiel…there’s a funny story there but it means the Angel of…”

 

“Thursday. Yeah, I know. I read this book on angels years ago by this woman named Naomi…”

 

“…Novak.” Dean finished her sentence. “Yeah, that’s um, that’s his mom actually.” Dean couldn’t help but laugh. All this time, he could have asked his mom from that start and knew who Cas was. Fuck, that probably meant his mom’s book was in their living room on the bookshelf right now. Was the world really this small?

 

“Ohhh…” His mom suddenly sounded really tentative. “If that’s his mom…oh honey, he isn’t out is he?”

 

“No. I mean, other than us, the only people that know are a few friends at school and his brother.”

 

“His mom… that book; she is brilliant, she really knows her stuff, but it was so obvious just from reading it that she would not react well to him coming out.”

 

“Yeah, I know. We are planning on waiting until we leave for college to come out. Dad ruined that for me, but I am going to make sure that nobody finds out about Cas before he’s ready. So if I bring him over tomorrow nobody can-”

 

Mary held up her hand to stop him. “Say no more. I promise I will never reveal his secret to anyone. And I will make absolutely damned sure that your father does not come over and see him tomorrow. It’s none of his damn business anyways. He gave up that right.”

 

“Thank you Mom, truly.”

 

__

 

“Castiel, stop!”

 

Cas turned from the door. He was trying to quietly sneak out the front of the house for dinner with Dean and his family. He had thought his parents were gone but apparently he was wrong. The house was always so quiet after Gabriel moved out that it almost felt like he lived there by himself.

 

“Yes Mother?” Silently in his head he kept up the mantra,  _ “Only a few more weeks, only a few more weeks _ ”. He had been lucky over the last month or so – he had managed to nearly completely avoid his parents. It was getting harder and harder to talk to them, look them in the eye and continue to live this lie. Especially after the email he received last night from Dean. He loved him. And Cas loved him in return. He couldn’t wait to get over to his house so he could return his declaration in person.

 

“Where were you today?” His mother’s voice had always seemed exceptionally shrill to him, but today it seemed even worse. But he didn’t answer her. “You were supposed to join your dad and me at church this morning and you never showed. You haven't been coming for weeks now! I signed you up to help supervise the Sunday school class and looked like a fool in front of Miss Jenkins when you didn’t show up. This is not the behavior I raised you to have. What was more important than church young man?”

 

Honestly, Cas had decided that he no longer wanted to attend church, he just hadn’t told his parents that yet. He could no longer sit in the pews and listen to such hatred from his mother’s congregation while they tried to look and act as if they were the helping hand that they protested they were. Plus, he had been using Sundays to escape and see Dean. “I decided that I did not want to go.”

 

“Yes, I figured that much out myself. Why?”

 

Cas sighed. This could go one of two ways: he could just say he didn’t feel so great, that he was sorry and he would be there next week. That would put a stop to this argument before it really got started. Or, he could finally stand up for himself and put his two feet on the ground on the side of the fence he was planted on. Thinking of Dean and all their recent happenings, how strong Dean has been in the face of aversion – his confidence grew. If Dean could do it, so could he. Plus, Dean loved him, unconditionally and Cas felt the same way. It was time to stop hiding so much. “To be frank Mother – I did not want to go, and I will not be going next week either. Or any week thereafter.” 

 

It felt kind of cartoonish to visibly watch his mother well up with ire. You could almost see her grow in height with her righteous anger. “You think you’re going to do what?”

 

“Not go to church. Me not going is not the end of the world.”

 

“You will be attending church.”

 

“No mother, I will not. I refuse to attend a church that does not practice what it preaches, nor a church that shuns God’s children.”

 

“Excuse me?” He didn’t notice that his father had come up behind him. Chuck was such a slight man that he was able to come up on people unseen.

 

“Your church preaches tolerance and selflessly helping others but you don’t actually practice that. So I will no longer be attending your church.” It was so quiet in the foyer of their house that the ticking of the grandfather clock sounded oppressive. He shuffled his feet back and forth, fumbling with the keys in his hand. When it seemed like his parents weren’t going to respond to that, he decided to go ahead with his plans. “I’ll be home later.” But as he turned to go, his mom’s hand shot out and grabbed him by the shoulder, nails digging in as she spun him around.

 

“Are you insinuating that we’re prejudiced?” his mother asked.

 

“Yes.” 

 

“Would you give me an example?” His dad’s voice sounded harsh and angry – a complete flip from his normal docile tone.

 

“If I was to tell you I had a close friend that was gay – what would you say?”

 

His dad just cocked his head to the side, studying Cas. But it only took a moment before his mother seemed to form the words, and once she did; her tirade was every bigoted word he always expected her to have. 

 

“A  man shall not lie with a man as with a woman; it is an abomination. Do you think God is going to turn a blind eye to this evil? It’s sinful and disgusting and will not be tolerated. Marriage is between one man and one woman and those that live in that depravity shall not inherit the kingdom of God. You know we do not approve that kind of lifestyle. What kind of question is that?”

 

“The exact question I needed to ask. I guess I needed to hear the actual words out of your mouth to solidify my standing. I can’t believe I am actually going to say this to you but God loves all his children - whether they are straight, gay, or questioning. Whether they be a man, woman, or trans. Sinner or saint. His teachings are about tolerance and love, accepting your neighbor for who they are as it is their life to lead and only God can judge them. I cannot stand idly by and watch you preach hatred towards those I love and the very life I lead.”

 

“What are you saying Castiel?”

 

“I am saying that I can no longer live under the roof of people who cannot accept love wherever love grows. I am going out, I will be back later, and then I will avail myself of being your burden.”

 

“Wait, you’re moving out?” His dad was always one to just let his mom talk and handle any arguments, so Cas was surprised by his dad was piping up so much.

 

“As soon as I can arrange some place to go.” He paused and looking down at his hands, taking a steadying breath before continuing. “I do love you guys. You’re my parents I will always love you, but I fear that you do not love me and I can’t subject myself to that kind of pain.”

 

“What, Castiel?” His dad took a step forward, almost as if he was going to pull him into a hug, but his mother put out her hand to stop him. “Of course we love you.”

 

“No, you only love who you think I am. If you truly ever took the time to know me as I am – you wouldn’t. I have to go.” Without giving his parents a chance to respond, he quickly walked out the front door. He couldn’t believe he had just had this conversation with them. He practically admitted he was gay, though he didn’t say the words. What possible conclusion could they come to when he told them that he can’t watch them preach hatred towards those he loved and the life he leads – especially since he asked about a “close friend who is gay”. That’s was basically him asking what they would say if they knew he was gay. No, he had to leave. He didn’t know where he would go. Maybe Charlie’s mom would allow him to stay in the spare room there since it looked like Dean might be moving home.


	20. Chapter 20

Cas didn’t even remember his drive. He was so lost in thought that the drive to Dean's was automatic, and thankfully, no harm had come to him. He definitely didn’t need to be complacently driving anywhere. But in no time at all, Cas was pulling up in front of the Winchester’s home. He was no longer nervous. He hadn’t planned to have such a confrontation with his parents, and now that it had happen, he was completely drained. He honestly wanted to crawl into bed. The thought made him snort out loud. What bed though? He basically just evicted himself from the only home he knew, regardless that he was suffocating there. He needs to contact Gabe, let him know what had happened. Maybe once he found some place to go, or if he couldn’t find somewhere, maybe he would know an option.

 

He scrubbed his hand across his face, willing himself to pull it together and get out of his car. Luckily that would be an option if he couldn’t find a place. Cas had bought this junker free and clear with his own money. He had spent the last several summers being a counselor at church camp and tutoring people through the years had made sure that Cas had a little tiny bit of money saved up, but definitely not enough. 

 

By the time Cas talked himself out of his car, Dean was standing by his front door in the dying light, looking at him with obvious nervousness. He shuffled over to him, shoulders hunched. “Everything okay?” Dean asked once he was in front of him. He just wanted to fall into his arms but he didn’t know if that would be ok on his front porch in this neighborhood. “Cas, you’re worrying me. What’s wrong?”

 

Cas couldn’t help himself. He leaned forward and dropped his forehead to Dean’s shoulder. Dean engulfed him in a hug instantly, no questions asked, no hesitation. “Essentially…” Cas mumbled against his neck while he brought his arms up around Dean’s waist, “I am now homeless.”

 

Dean startled back. “What?!?”

 

“I just got in a horrible argument with my parents. They basically cornered me on the way out about not going to church today and next thing I know I am asking them what they would say if they knew I had a gay friend. Well, you can imagine, my mom went off on the ‘disgusting sin’ and I told them that I would be availing myself of being their burden.” Cas felt his lip start to tremble. He wasn’t going to cry. Not now, not over this. He couldn’t. He needed to be strong. Taking a fortifying breath, he continued. “I didn’t exactly say the words, but if they use their brain and read between the lines, then I basically came out to them. And of course they reacted exactly as I always expected. And, well, I fled before they could say anything else… and here I am. Clueless. Homeless. Scared.” 

 

Dean quickly pulled him back into a hug again, rubbing his hands up and down his back soothingly. He planted soft kisses along the side of his throat. “Cas… babe… I promise that I have got you. There is no way you are going to be homeless. I will move back in here, and I am sure that Charlie’s mom would be cool with you staying. I’ll even promise her that I will still come over to do that list of projects she wants done. We will make this work.”

 

“Thank you Dean…” He barely got the words out before Dean’s mouth was taking his in a passion-filled kiss. Pulling back quickly, Cas looked around. It was getting darker out. “Aren’t- um, aren’t you worried that your neighbors might see us?”

 

“Let them.” Dean mumbled against his lips. “Unless you would rather them not see?”

 

“I don’t care anymore. I am tired of hiding how I feel about the guy I love.” Dean looked like his face was about to crack from smiling so much. Of course Cas had read his email that he sent. It was the motivation behind no longer hiding from his parents. He just couldn’t understand hating where there is love.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Yeah. I love you, Dean.”

 

“I love you too.” Dean put his hands on either side of his face, pulling him in for kiss that was full of promises and hope. They were rudely interrupted moments later by the front porch light turning on and off quickly. Dean pulled back laughing. “That would be Sam trying to tell us that dinner’s ready.” Cas reached down, entwining his fingers with Deans. “There’s just one small thing….”

 

Dean was hesitating but Cas just lifted his hand and kissed the back of it. “Yes?”

 

“Apparently, tonight is ‘introduce Mom to our significant others’ night.”

 

Cas was confused, tilting his head slightly to the right in the cute way he did sometimes. “What…?”

 

Dean just chuckled. “Yeah so apparently Sam and Eileen have been secretly dating for the last couple months and haven’t told a soul.”

 

Smiling, Cas couldn’t help but laugh. “I kind of figured that was coming. Back when Sam first joined us at the table he has enamored with Eileen. Asked if I would help him learn some sign language. That was the English project I was always helping him on. Not like I know a lot of sign language myself, but I know enough to be able to sign a little and Eileen is good at reading lips, so it works. I would like to be more proficient in it. I am sure it will be an asset to becoming a counselor like I am thinking of doing.”

 

“Well, I need to sign up for some lessons from you as well it looks like. I have been so wrapped up in you, in us, and the crap with my dad that I didn’t notice. I failed as a big brother. She arrived and hour ago and her and my mom have been talking non-stop. I guess my mom knows some sign language too. My concern is…. neither of us has told Eileen and she doesn’t know that you are coming over, that this is a big night for us. I thought I would see if you were okay first before telling her about us.”

 

“Come on Dean, let’s go inside and let the chips fall where they may. I’m not ready to announce it to the entire world just yet, but it’s about time all of our friends know. I mean, we only have two weeks left, not much can change the course of our lives. Besides, I am sure Sam probably told her something about us. And if not, I trust her. I don’t think she would judge us unfairly.”

 

__

 

Honestly, Dean had amped himself up about this dinner night being tougher than it actually was. Eileen was surprised but so accepting that it brought tears to the eyes of nearly everyone there. Cas obviously needed that acceptance after the shit-storm of his parents. If Dean had his choice, he would just move Cas straight in with him.

 

Before dinner officially started, Dean pulled his mom aside in the kitchen and explained what was going on with Cas and his parents. He also told her he was planning on moving back in in order to give up the room at Charlie’s with the hope that Cas would be able to take it over so he wouldn’t technically be homeless. He barely got the words out of his mouth before his mom went stomping out of the kitchen.

 

“Mom!” Dean shouted as he followed her out to the living room. Cas, Sam and Eileen where all standing in the living room talking when Mary practically stormed in, stopping right in front of Cas. Dean held his breath, suddenly terrified of what she might say to him.

 

“You listen here young man.” Her voice was strong yet gentle as she laid her hands on Cas’ shoulders, “I want you to know that I am proud of you. No matter what happens with your family and whether you can go to Ms. Bradbury’s or not, you will always have a place here too. Now - it’s not my ideal choice to have my son and his boyfriend sleeping under the same roof, but you will not go without, you hear me?” She pulled Cas into a hug, both of them practically collapsing against each other in tears. Sam and Eileen behind them just cast worried glances towards Dean, both confused as to what they were missing in the conversation.

 

“T-thank you Mrs. Winchester… you have no idea what that means to me to hear.” His whispered words didn’t go unheard by all in the room. He had never seen his mom sign while speaking like that before, and her continuing on as Cas answered.

 

“Now none of that, call me Mary. I have a feeling we are going to know each other for quite some time.” Stepping back, she clapped her hands together, surveying the room. “Now why don’t we go eat some dinner?” Her signing continued through out dinner, only pausing a couple times to mouth the choice word or phrase directly to Eileen when she didn't know how to sign what was needed to be said.

 

It was a weight off everybody’s shoulders after that. Dinner was light and carefree. Conversation flowed about college, which surprised Mary to find out that both Dean and Cas had applied and gotten into the same college before they ever even started talking. While Dean was still flipping around ideas for his future profession, Cas was becoming more sure every day that he wanted to be a counselor for teens like himself. Mary found this to be a brilliant idea.

 

After dinner, Dean and Cas drove over to Charlie’s house. One, to get Dean’s stuff, and two, to see if Ms. Bradbury would be willing to basically switch them out in the room. Luckily it wasn’t too late when they arrived so Charlie and her mom were both still up and watching TV together in the front room. Dean just let himself in with the key that they gave him.

 

“Yooooo Cas, what are  _ YOU _ doing here?” Charlie waggled her eyebrows jokingly. 

 

Ms. Bradbury just sat there, looking at Dean with a raised eyebrow. She had told him specifically – no boys over. “Yes Dean, what is he doing here?” Her voice didn’t sound pissed off to Dean, just more inquiring than he had heard before.

 

“Well… I-I’ve come to get my things.” Charlie jumped off the couch. “There have been some developments at home and I have been welcomed back.”

 

“But Dean… your dad?”

 

Dean just smiled at Charlie. “Mom kicked him out, they’ve split up. So I am going to move back in with them but - ”

 

“But clearly there is more?” Ms. Bradbury got off the couch. She was just slightly taller than Charlie, but still shorter than both Dean and Cas.

 

“Ma’am…” Cas hedged.

 

“Castiel…I have known for several years now, what have I told you about calling me Ma’am?”

 

“That you are Ms. Bradbury not Ma’am.”

 

“Correct.” She patted his cheek and looked into his eyes. Sighing she leaned forward and quickly pulled Cas in a short hug. “Hun, you are welcome to take over the room if you need it.”  

 

“How did you know?” Cas whispered, looking down at the ground, feeling like he was suddenly two inches tall.

 

“I have seen that look before. You’ll find no rejection in this house.” Turning to Dean, she crossed her arms. “Just because he is moving in now does not absolve you of your promises to help me.”

 

Dean let out a little laugh. “Of course not Ms. Bradbury, I will be over here first thing next Saturday for us to start whatever project you want to have done first… and… well, thank you. For letting me stay this last week. And now for allowing Cas to stay in my place. I just-” He turned to Charlie and then back to Ms. Bradbury. “I just wish there were more people out there with hearts as big as yours.”

 

“Dude…” Charlie muttered, swiping a tear from her eye. “You’re gonna make me cry. Enough with the feels – let’s go back up your crap.” Turning, she headed down the hallway to the spare room, quickly getting away from the emotions overflowing between them all.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbeta'd and no pre-read by someone else before posting because I'm impatient and wanted to post, just fyi

It was decided that the next day both Dean and Cas would skip out of school at lunch time. Cas knew that his mom had meetings with her editor on the second Monday of every month and his dad was supposed to be at the church today so he figured it would be safe to get in, pack his stuff, and get out.

 

He had called Gabe the night before to let him know what was going on. Though he was upset by his parents’ behavior, Gabe wasn’t surprised. He had even offered to drive down and help him move but Cas begged him not to. He wanted to be able to ask for his help in the future if need be and besides, Dean was there to help him in the meantime.

 

“You’re positive that your parents won’t be home?” Dean was nervously tapping his hands on his lap as Cas pulled up in front of his house.

 

“Look, see – there are no cars in the driveway.” He pulled along the curb in his normal spot. “We should be fine. This will be quick since I don’t plan on taking any of the furniture. We’ll just hurry.” Cas was painfully aware of how cold and unfeeling this house felt as they entered. He had never spared it much thought in the past, but as they walked through the beige entry, up the simple stairs and down the plain hallway, Cas was struck by how impersonal the house felt, especially compared to Deans parents’ house which was bursting with life and Charlies eclectic house. There were very few family pictures in the house, his mother choosing instead to put up black and white photos of landscapes.

 

He heard a whistle behind him as he entered his room and Dean followed. “Wow Cas…” A few years ago his parents finally budged and let him and Gabe paint their bedrooms. They had been bugging their parents to let them do that since they were little kids because the whole house was just several shades of beige and white with black accent pieces. Gabe always complained about how boring it was. So Gabe quickly painted his bedroom in a garish display of every bright color imaginable with no rhyme or reason. It took two days after he moved out before his mother painted it back to white. But Cas had painted the walls in his room like a sunset with it ending with his ceiling as a night sky. He had spent weeks on perfecting it, and Gabe was surprisingly helpful in making his room turn out so good. He helped him paint it too after school since his parents basically refused to help besides purchasing the paint. He hoped his mother wouldn’t paint over it because he was actually going to miss it. But he figured once everything came out, she would erase it much like she would him.

 

Cas and Dean worked methodically. They managed to fill up the two suitcases he had. He also borrowed one from Gabes room that he would return to him at a later date. Dean took those downstairs and loaded them into the car while Cas put miscellaneous clothing, towels and such on his bed, folding them up in his bedspread using it like a make shift tote. It took both Dean and Cas to lug that heap down to his car.

 

Returning upstairs, there really wasn’t much left to pack. He stuck his laptop into his school backpack while Dean loaded up the last bag with various books, pictures and mementos. Cas was overwhelmed with how sparse his room looked. Taking out his phone he started snapping some pictures, wanting to always have a memory of this room. He had been through so much in this room and he knew that as soon as the left, nothing would be the same again.

 

Turning, Cas went to snap the last picture and found Dean, smiling with his arms crossed, leaning against the wall next to his closet doors. Cas took several pictures of him as he stood there.

 

“You know…” Deans smile turned and Cas could tell that Dean suddenly had _ideas_. “I remember you telling me about a certain fantasy of yours…” Cas quickly stowed his phone in his back pocket as Deans arms came sliding around his waist, pulling him tight against his hard body. “You. Me. This room. That bed. These lips of mine…” Dean was nibbling at his neck as he whispered these tantalizing words into his neck. It was making him weak and he was so very tempted to take him up on his offer. With everything going on lately, they hadn’t had a chance to get a moment alone for longer than a few minutes.

 

With a groan Cas pulled back. “That is an enticing but terrifying proposition you have.” Leaning in, Dean caught his lips. They had done their fair share of kissing over the past month but this kiss; this was the one that felt sordid and dangerous. He could feel himself falling into it, wanting to be swept away by the sensations he was feeling. They were both starting to get hard, hands wandering. Cas sighed against Deans lips as he gave in, tugging him closer as he slid his arms around his neck. Some days he doesn’t feel like he can’t get close enough to Dean. Some day he would like to do nothing be spend a day of kissing like this, or rather vertical on a nice comfy bed. Dean had just managed to snake his hands up under his shirt, about ready to lift it up completely and remove it when they heard a noise. The broke apart quickly, smoothing out their clothes and trying to not look so guilty. They each took a couple breaths trying to slow their heart rates and stem the flush of their cheeks.

 

Cas leaned close to Dean so he could hear him whisper, “I think that’s my mom coming in from the garage. Let’s just grab what’s left and get out of here before she corners us.” He slung his backpack over his shoulders while Dean grabbed the last bag; thankfully they had managed to load pretty much everything else until now.

 

Dean caught his arm to stop him before heading out his bedroom door. “I want you to know that whatever happens down there, whether we run into her or not, I support you and any decision you make. You want to come out to her officially or not at all – I am there. You just want to walk out and never talk to her again, you got it. I’m following you Cas, to the ends of the earth if needed.”

 

Cas let out a shaky breath as he smiled, “God I love you.”

 

Dean kissed him quickly, “Me too.”

 

On the landing before the stairs, Cas paused. He couldn’t hear his mom in the house, and for a moment, he wondered if he had imagined hearing her come in from the garage - but they started to sneak down the stairs, careful not to make too much noise. He really, truly did not want his mom to find them. It was obvious he was here, because his car was out front, but if they could manage to not cross paths then that would be ideal.  

 

Their luck didn’t last. His mom came into view around the corner of the stairs just as they reached the bottom.

 

“Castiel.” His moms voice was even colder and harsher than last night.

 

“Mother.” He could feel Dean at his back, just slightly behind him to the left but carefully not touching him. He wanted to grab his hand for support because he had an overwhelmingly bad feeling.

 

“I was unaware that you were bringing someone into my house.” She planted her hands on her hips in her authoritative way of trying to be the "bigger person". She had started doing that as soon as him and Gabe were taller than her.

 

“He’s just helping me pack my stuff. We’re on our way out now.”

 

“So….you’re sticking to your guns on this?”

 

“Yes. I told you why last night and it wasn’t a bluff. I have a friend offering me a place to stay until I leave for college. We’ve packed my stuff and were leaving.”

 

It was quiet for a heartbeat too long. His mother was glancing back and forth between Cas and Dean as if she was finally putting all the puzzle pieces together. Once they clicked into place, you could visually see the change on her face take over. Puzzlement became anger in a split second.

 

“This is your gay friend you talked about isn’t it Castiel?” Her voice hissed. It was a damn good impression of a snake if Deans almost snort of laughter behind him was any indication. Plus, Cas couldn’t help but think, how many times in history has someone used the phrase “I have a friend that…” and actually meant themselves? Was his mother really that dense?

 

But this was the moment. He could remember back to those emails between him and Dean before they _“knew”_ each other. They had both said something to the idea of wanting to tell their parents just so they could see the look on their faces. Dean had said that it was almost worth it for the look on his dads face. Sometimes Cas wishes he could have seen it. But here was his chance. He could tell his mom, seal his fate, and have the strength of his boyfriend at his side. He didn’t honestly know if he could be so brave without his support.

 

Without answering his mom, Cas reached back and grabbed Deans hand, interlacing their fingers together. Dean took the half a step forward that put him squarely at Cas’ side.

 

“Actually mother, I was talking about myself, but trying not to say the actual words. But since you can’t read between the lines I will actually say the words now. I am gay and this is my boyfriend who I love with all my heart.” He was having a hard time keeping his words steady. Dean’s hand squeezed his reassuringly. “Your life and my life are no longer going down the same path and I need to go because I should be able to hold his hand all the time but instead I am holding onto shame and I shouldn’t be. Love is not shameful and I won’t let you try to change that for me.” 

 

He looked over to Dean after he made his little impromptu speech. There was nothing but pride and love shinning from his eyes. He wanted to kiss him so bad right now but he knew that would be taking it a little too far in front of his mother.

 

“I will not tolerate this perversion in my family. Consider yourself not my son anymore.” Her icy words washed over Cas, physically knocking him back a step. He knew it was a possibility. He had read others stories online about their parents disowning them after coming out, but he had always held out hope that his parents would just not talk to him except at family functions or holidays. To actually hear the words come out of her mouth was like a kick to the gut.

 

Looking at Dean, he could see the rage steal over his features instantly. Dean was suddenly yelling before Cas could stop him. “You know what? Parents like you make me sick. When you decide to have children, you’re supposed to love them unconditionally. You’re supposed to support them and cherish them and be there for them! Not kick them to the curb at the first sign of hardship. And God forbid if they grow up to be their own person with their own ideas and deviate from the path you think that they should be on. Newsflash lady, normalcy is just a crowd sourced fantasy. Nobody is normal. What’s that saying your kind always says - God is love?  Being gay is not a perversion; it’s just another way to love. So fuck you. He will always have a family with me and mine. You’re not worthy of him anyways.”

 

When Dean finished his tirade, he turned to look at Cas. He was sure he was looking at Dean with a gob smacked dazed expression. That was the first time anyone had stood up like that for him and couldn’t stop himself. He gently grabbed Deans face and planted a resounding kiss on his lips – right in front of his mom. He didn’t care anymore. And Dean deserved to know in this moment how much he had just changed Cas to the core.

 

Now it was his mother wearing the gob smacked expression. Cas honestly couldn’t ever remember seeing that particular look on his moms face. THAT was the look that made this all worth it. He wished he could take a picture and send it to Gabe. No doubt he’d get a kick out of it.

 

When it looked like his mother wasn’t going to say anything Cas just sighed. “I love you and thank you for everything you have done to raise me, but it’s time for me to go. Please give my best to Dad. Goodbye Mother.” She didn’t stop them as they walked out the front door, down the steps and to his car. After throwing their bags into the backseat with the rest, Cas spun Dean around and pinned him to the side of his car.

 

“Cas…I’m sorry – I shouldn’t have…” Cas stopped him from continuing by slotting their lips together again, harsher and far more persistent than he did inside. His body was flush with Deans, holding him to the side of the car. He hoped one of the neighbors saw something. Let them talk.

 

“Dean…” He barely recognized his own voice, “That was the hottest thing you could have done in the moment. Get in the car; we are gonna go find a nice quiet backroad to get lost on. Right. Fucking. Now.”

 

They both moaned as Dean pushed his hips forward letting Cas know that he was obviously hard and totally on board with that idea. It didn’t matter that the backseat of his car was packed near to the ceiling with his stuff. With the way Cas was currently feeling – he’d fuck Dean across the hood of his car on the football field if he had to.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbeta'd and no pre-read by someone else before posting because I'm impatient and wanted to post, just fyi

**_> >Gabe:_ ** _Well…looks like Mr. and Mrs. Novak never had kids_

 

Cas woke to this text from his brother a week after everything went down between him, Dean and his mom. He thankfully hadn’t heard a peep from either of his parents. He of course called Gabe and filled him in on everything. But honestly, Cas was too busy with finals and everything to put much thought into anything else. They were now just a few days from graduation.

 

**_> >Cas:_ ** _What are you talking about?_

**_> >Gabe:_ ** _I called the ‘rents last night about staying with them this weekend so I can be there for your graduation_

**_> >Cas:_ ** _….don’t make me have to drag this story out of you Gabe, what happened?_

**_> >Gabe:_ ** _Well I didn’t let on that I knew what was what already_

**_> >Gabe:_ ** _I asked them about staying and they told me all about your “repulsive homosexual lifestyle” and that I wouldn’t be welcome to stay with them anymore if I supported that choice. Also, that they aren’t going to be at your graduation. Sorry bro._

**_> >Cas:_ ** _I expected that_

**_> >Gabe:_ ** _Well I told them that I wasn’t going to not be there to support my little brother graduating and being valedictorian_

**_> >Gabe:_ ** _And then I told them they could piss off with their condemnation of your lifestyle as I had had a fling with my friend Bal and that I support you fully_

 

Cas was lying in bed as he read Gabe’s text messages and had actually dropped his phone on his face with that last message.

 

**_> >Cas:_ ** _EXCUSE ME? Is there something you should be telling me?_

**_> >Gabe:_ ** _Eh, I got curious, experimented a bit. Didn’t hate it, maybe it’s not for me. Maybe it is for me, but with a different person. Dunno. Guess we shall see as I live on. Who knows, maybe I will just run off to Monte Carlo and live with some pornstars._

**_> >Cas:_ ** _Gabe, I love you, don’t ever change._

**_> >Gabe:_ ** _Awww thanks lil bro. But yeah, they told me I was no longer their son either. They turned their backs on their creations when we decided to embrace free will.  So like I said, looks like Mr. and Mrs. Novak never had kids. Which, ya know, whatever. We have each other so._

**_> >Cas:_ ** _So where are you going to stay when you get here for graduation?_

**_> >Gabe:_ ** _Eh, don’t you worry about me. I’ll find a friends couch to crash on. Just expect to see me in auditorium, I’ll be the one taking pictures and crying about my little baby brother growing up_

___

Dean didn’t know how he felt. It was the last day of school; graduation would be that evening so the school let out early to prepare for it. He had expected to see a lot of people crying, or celebrating or something as the final bell rang – but it was rather surreal. People said goodbye like always, a few people still sat signing yearbooks, but for the most part, people departed like it was just any other day. Like they didn’t realize that after tonight they wouldn’t see majority of these people ever again.

 

It was….relieving. The fact that high school was over and that these people, these years were behind them so abruptly, made the idea that high school was not important in the grand scheme of things finally sink in. It made Dean feel reckless, like he would be able to do anything.

 

Cas dropped him off at home right after school so they could get ready for their graduation. Both had to quickly change into their formal clothes that they were required to wear under their robes and then get back to the school an hour before graduation was supposed to start. Cas also had the dreaded task off giving his valedictorian speech, which Dean knew he was nervous about. He had spent the last weekend with Charlie being the trial audience for Cas’ speech. It was really good.

 

“Hey Sam?” Dean came downstairs in his nice slacks and button up shirt, tie and all. It all made him feel a little claustrophobic to be dressed up but he knew it was just for tonight. Sam was sitting on the couch, close to his girlfriend as she was teaching him sign language. Every time Sam seemed to mess up, Eileen would laugh, grab his hands and try to arrange them into the proper form. Dean thought, given the smile on Sam’s face, that he was purposely messing up a few times just so Eileen would do this. He moved himself into the line of sight, catching both their attentions.

 

“Hey Dean, what’s up?” It was a good thing Eileen could read lips as well because as Sam was trying to sign while speaking and Dean was pretty sure that wasn’t what he just signed.

 

“So, tonight’s the big night…” He paused, trying to find the right words. “Just….um – please be recording or taking pictures when I walk the stage ok?”

 

Sam laughed. “Seriously Dean? Mom got brand new batteries and cleared the memory on her camera just so she could take a million pictures of this tonight.”

 

“I know, I do, but I want double assurance because I might do something stupid tonight.”

 

“Wait, what?”

 

“I might go out with a bang. That’s all I am saying.” He heard the honk of the car horn out front which meant Cas was hear. “I’ll see ya after.” Waved by as he scooped up his cap and gown by the front door and jogged out to meet Cas.

 

Since Cas moved out they had been more open with each other in public. They hadn’t held hands or kissed in front of anyone at school or anything, but Dean always rode to and from school with him now. And any time they were together outside of class, they were side by side. With school almost out, and now literally out, they didn’t see any reason to really hide anymore. They had both faced their worst fears – their parents – and had come out on the other side relatively ok. They were more confident in themselves and were prepared to face the realities of the world. In fact, tonight was their last night in the closet. They had decided together to end their high school career by being open about themselves. Hopefully, if there was anyone else scared and in the closet, they could let them know that they weren’t the only ones and they had support out there.   

 

With a quick shared kiss in the car, Dean grabbed up his stuff and got out. “Ok, we should sign in. Are you nervous?”

 

Cas laughed, “At what? Having to give a speech where every eye of our classmates, all their families and distance relatives are on me and only me and hope I don’t fuck up?” Dean laughed. “Or do you mean after when our whole lives change and we get thrust out into the real world?”

 

Dean threw back his head, laughing loud enough that several people up ahead looked back at him. Quieting, he whispered back to Cas, “Oh there is some thrusting I’d like to do tonight but it definitely can’t happen out there for the real world to see.” Wiggling his eyebrows at Cas he ducked into the hallway and over to a side door to the auditorium where they were doing staging for all the graduates. All the students with A-M last names were on the left side of the auditorium while N-W were on the right. It just so happened that Dean was the last one that would be called up on stage to get his diploma that evening as weirdly enough, there were no students in their graduating class with last names that started with X,Y or Z.

 

It was going to be an epically long night. Well, once they got into their seats at least. He could hear all the parents and family members enter and sitting in the auditorium, the loud din of noise was amplified down the empty corridors of the school. And before Dean could even think too hard about it, they were filing out and into their seats like they had practiced during the week. Awesomely enough - his mom, Sam, Eileen and Gabe had managed to snatch up the couple seats right behind the row Dean was sitting in.

 

Dean had officially met Gabe last night. He remembered Gabe from previous school years. He was pretty much the designated class clown and they never had any real interactions together. But Cas, Dean and Gabe all went out to dinner last night to celebrate schools end and to do their own family-meeting-boyfriend type sit down that Cas had just done with his family. It went pretty good. Other than a couple moments where Gabe made some inappropriate, albeit funny, jokes that Cas put a squash on. It was decided that Gabe would sit with Dean’s family since he was the only one coming from Cas’ family, but like Deans mom had said, he was a part of the family now. He was just afraid of what the jokster would say to his mom when left unsupervised.  It was a risk they were going to have to take.

 

Cas took the stage and gave his valedictorian speech. Dean had heard it so many times by this point that he kind of zoned out. He was being allowed to stare at his boyfriend in public. They had gotten lucky that their cap and gowns were black this year instead of red, and Cas made the required outfit look good. He had a jubilant look on his face; obvious nervousness about giving this speech had disappeared. His voice was steady and deep and so very hypnotizing. It made Dean flashback on their impromptu rendezvous after moving Cas out where he had taken charge and a submissive side of Dean came out that he didn’t know he had. They were both surprised by the shift in them and that dynamic. Dean couldn’t wait to get some time alone together uninterrupted so they could experiment a little more.

 

He wouldn’t have to wait long. They had decided to do an extended road trip this summer with it ending in California on their move in dates. They were unable to room together, which would have been miraculous and perfect, but they were luckily in the same housing, just a couple floors between them. They had already messaged both of their respective roommates and let them know upfront that they were gay/bi to see if that was an issue beforehand so that they could make changes if needed. His roommate, a guy named Ash, was a little on the weird side but seemed super smart. He referred to himself as Dr. Badass and had apparently been kicked out of MIT. Dean didn’t know what to believe. And Cas, his roommate was a guy named Garth who apparently was locally known for his sock puppet shows that he did at the library every Saturday for the kids. It was safe to say that Dean and Cas wouldn’t stand out from the crowd, so to speak.

 

Dean was brought back to the present as the row of people in front of him were now standing and heading to the stage. He had apparently zoned out for more than half the graduation process. That suited him just fine because it made this time go by faster. Before he knew it, he was standing on the steps at the side of the stage, waiting as the kid in front of him, Gadreel Weston, shook the hand of the principle and then received his diploma, handed to him by Cas.

 

“And last, but not least – Dean Winchester.” He heard his brother yell out ‘woohoo’ in the crowd as he bounded up the steps. He smiled and shook the principles’ hand as he whispered a “Good job son, I’m proud of you.” Dean just laughed a bit because that could change in a moment.

 

His heart was pounding out of his chest, and he could feel the flush starting up his neck towards his cheeks as he turned towards Cas. The smirk and the raised eyebrow on Cas’ face clearly said ‘well are you going to or not?’ Stepping up to Cas, he didn’t take the diploma in his hand like everyone else did. No, just like planned, Dean swept Cas up in his arms and in front of the entire school and half the town’s population and  he kissed his boyfriend in happiness.

 

The reaction in the auditorium was mixed. There were obvious people who were not impressed and angered by the display – thankfully they all elected to just stay quiet. There were wolf whistles and applause – clearly lead by Gabe and Sam, along with several of their classmates and friends. But there was also a bunch of laughter, like people thought it was just a joke. Which, Dean thought later, could have been worse - at least there were no yelled obscenities. With a quick last peck on Cas’ lips, Dean finally took the diploma from his hands, turned smiled at the crowd. Fuck them all if they didn’t like it. He was leaving soon and their opinions no longer matter, if they ever did.

 

“Yes, right…” The principle was behind the mic again. “Thank you Mr. Winchester for the…uh… celebratory display….” Dean tuned the rest of the end of graduation speech out. Sam and Gabe had both clamped him on the shoulder in support. He even got some appraising looks from his classmates sitting nearest to him, though Gadreel did shift slightly away. Whatever, he didn’t care. He was flying high on his feelings and only had eyes for his Angel, who was still on stage looking at him with eyes that spoke of the possibilities to come and a smile that had him thinking that tonight was going to be glorious.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbeta'd and no pre-read by someone else before posting because I'm impatient and wanted to post, just fyi
> 
> And this is the end! Thank you all for reading! I enjoyed writing this one. I do have some ideas for future timestamps, so keep an eye out for those :)

 

 **Posted to the ‘** **I’m not Lying, Lions’ tumblr page:**

 

_Dear Former and Current Students of Lawrence High,_

_We, Dean and Cas, have decided to jointly address the numerous posting that have found their way to this tumblr page after the graduation last week and the apparently hotly debated kiss that came at the end._

_Firstly – to those that have reached out to us who find themselves in our shoes but unwilling to come out – we hear you and you are valid. Whether you ever come out or not, we are proud of you for being here. You will always have our support and you can reach out to us whenever you need to. Also, please look into our LGBT community, you will find so many people there with open arms willing to be there for you too no matter where you go in your life._

_Second – Thank you to all of our friends who have been so supportive from the start. You have all been amazing and we are going to miss you once we all part ways. Except you Gabe. Where in the hell did you get that photo that you posted on here two days ago?!?We know it was you that took that! You Assbutt ( <\- Dean would just like everyone to know that Assbutt is Cas’ choice word and not his own.) _

_Third – to all the posts on here that have been derogatory and hateful – GROW THE FUCK UP. It’s time for you to open your negative bigoted insufferable eyes to the world around you, you intolerable shit for brains. Nobody is asking you to be gay too. We are just asking you to allow love to flourish where it grows and for acceptance. And to the one asshole who posted on here, Zach – I am calling you out because I KNOW that was your post – Man, you have no right being a bag of dicks like that. I know you are ok with gay people if its two girls together, but two men together is not ok? Fuck you, you fucking fucker. And now Cas is telling me I am cussing too much on here. Ugh._

_The real world is bigger than this town and the people you know and have grown up with. Please get out there, meet new people from different cultures that have lived different lives. Go travel. Open yourself up to learning about the world because it is much bigger than you think and being gay is just one difference of many. Nobody is “normal”. Education is the most powerful weapon available to change the world and we will be destined to repeat our mistakes if we don’t learn from them._

_Love,_

_Reality_


End file.
